Crazy Amounts of Time for Money

A friend of mine recently shared, in the first week of January, that she had all of her taxes done and ready to go. She said she felt “so adult” to have them completed.

We’re almost there ourselves, just waiting on some paperwork to arrive to complete our preparations, before we make an appointment with our accountant. Holly and I will talk about it at our upcoming money meeting, I’m sure.

Hold it! Breathe! I know for some people just reading about taxes and “money meetings” can send them into overwhelm and shame. For others it’s rage and upset.

Or maybe it’s just a mild discomfort, but still, something hitches.

That *hitchiness* is important to note. So please, take a breath. Lower your shoulders. Come with me, I want to talk about money.

The Biggest Obstacle on the Spiritual Path

An old Sufi book, recently translated as Illuminating Guidance on the Dropping of Self-Direction describes fear of provision as the greatest obstacle on the spiritual path.

It’s really hard to focus on higher aspirations and values when you’re worried about survival. But even when you’re beyond survival, it’s possible to get caught up in worries and fears about whether you have enough.

Even for people who have hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars, worry and fear is still available.

So many people take refuge in spirituality because of how overwhelming the world and the search for provision can be. To attain connection to love in a profound, lasting way, you need to face your relationship with provision and money.

The ascendance of money and materialism may seem all-consuming in these times, and yet it’s an issue that has dogged humanity ever since a soft yellowish metal was scratched out of the earth. That Sufi book is hundreds of years old.

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is reported to have said, “If you give a man two valleys full of gold, he will want a third.” You can call that a greed impulse, but what is greed?

I define greed as the illusionary fear that you don’t have enough. This is to distinguish from someone who literally doesn’t have enough to eat and has a genuine need. Greed is driven by the fears of what might happen, instead of being present to the love, support and abundance that is available right now.

Okay, well and good. So what do you do?

Make Time for Money

I mentioned the “money meeting” that Holly and I have above. It used to be a regular commitment for the both of us, but in the overwhelm of parenting twins we lost the habit of meeting, I’m chagrined to say.

Yet we’re back in the saddle, and it’s having an immediate effect on our relationship with our finances. Which I’m not surprised about, because whenever you put attention on a relationship, it gets better in some way.

There’s a trick to it, though.

The Trick Is Time

If you are going to schedule a money meeting to look at what you have and what you owe, make it a looong meeting. Much longer than you expect. In your calculations, include:

1. Time to do the numbers. Of course. This is ostensibly what the meeting is about. It takes time to write them down and figure them out.

2. Time to gather the numbers. This can take longer than expected, even when you’re expecting it to take long. A snafu with your online banking, some piece of paper you can’t find. It’s all part of the mix.

3. Time to have emotional freak-outs while looking at the numbers. Here’s the key, the magic of spaciousness. You already know you’re tense about the numbers. Why not just make time to be upset? That debt that’s freaking you out? The gap between your income and your bills on any particular week?

Remember not to try and fix anything. Just making space for the freak out and letting it be witnessed is all you need. One of our teachers calls it listening into your own wisdom. So really, resist fixing anything here. Just listen (especially if you are meeting with a partner) and trust that you will find your way to strategies for change simply given such witnessing.

This is where the magic and the healing can take place. The emotional upset coupled with the pressure to “get it done” is overwhelming. You need spaciousness. Give it to yourself.

4. Time to arrive late to the meeting from procrastination. This is an old trick. When you are avoiding something you tend to, well, avoid it. If you arrive late to your own meeting you won’t have the time you need. So give yourself the time to arrive late, that missing the start time by 15 or 20 minutes won’t destroy the spaciousness you created for yourself.

That sounds like 3 or 4 hours! Crazy!

If you had to do it every week, it would be crazy. But here’s what’s crazy: assuming that you can get through all of that financial work without having space for the emotional issues that arise.

You can, if you like, divide it into two meetings. A “gathering the numbers” meeting, and then a “doing the numbers” meeting. Two 2-hour meetings to get some traction on your financial life.

Once you do a meeting like this once or twice, and then start to meet regularly to face your finances, the meetings go *much* more quickly.

Why? Well, first of all you’ll have already gathered the numbers. All you’ll need to do is update the last week or two, so it’s not as much work as the initial OMG.

Secondly, you’ll have cleared and healed a bunch of emotional gunk, so it will seem easier to approach. Even if you still have reactions come up, they will be familiar and manageable, and not overwhelming.

A secret: greed and survival fears have much less power when these emotional reactions are given space and compassionate attention and enoughness becomes more and more comfortable.

Take the first step and schedule a chunk, or two chunks, of time. Are you willing? What comes up for you? And, if you’ve done this, any inspiring stories of facing financial overwhelm and getting through that you can share?

p.s. Need Help Untangling Money From Your Heart? No-Cost Learning Series

What I just described in this article is the big picture view of a surprisingly profound approach to healing your money issues. Coupling the spaciousness with two healing exercises that I teach in the Heart of Money Transformational Journey brings incredible relief to how you relate to both what you have and what you owe.

I’m going to suggest two things. First, read what Lisa has to say *two years* after taking the course. Then, at the very least, join us for the no-cost learning series.

“I took the Heart of Money Transformational Journey class w/Mark over two years ago and sometimes I can still feel the learning and experiences unfolding.

“Since the class, my income has steadily increased, which, of course, is lovely, but how the techniques I learned have affected my spending habits and informed my discernment when it came to making financial decisions has provided me with incredible amounts of relief (emotionally and financially).
“If you’re ready for change in your life around money, and around how you access your internal wisdom, this course is a sure thing.

“Mark, thank you so very much. <3” – Lisa Roberts, lisaroberts.com

We’re currently offering a no-cost learning series. The first lesson has already arrived, and the second one arrives tomorrow. The third one is a live call with me on January 23 (recording available to those who are registered.) Get the first lesson now, and the second lesson tomorrow by joining us:

The Heart of Money No-Cost Learning Series

And, you can also register for the full eight week Transformational Journey directly. It begins on February 6. I HIGHLY recommend the community version.

The Heart of Money Transformational Journey