“I’m safe in this moment. I’m not going to get hurt in this moment.”
Standing in my own living room, my hands on my belly, I was saying this to myself and feeling myself calm down and come back.
If you’re new to this newsletter, you may not know that I spent eight years as a paramedic in the San Francisco Bay Area. Shootings, violence, car wrecks, heart attacks, suicides. Plus the 3 a.m. call for the flu. There’s not much I haven’t seen.
Unfortunately, all of that left me with some PTSD symptoms that increased dramatically when our twin boys first arrived. It took some healing work to help clear it for me, but for awhile that was my mantra: “I’m safe in this moment.”
I would say that to myself, stop, look around my environment and see that it was true. I was affirming what I know to be true, and it helped me settle into present time.
Settling into present time, with a feeling of safety and soothing, is so critical to running a business. A business that isn’t working smoothly can hit us in our most vulnerable places. Fears about security, acceptance, love, survival all come roaring up.
While these fears are screaming at you, it’s very, very hard to show up in a centered, grounded, attractive place with a potential new client who might want to hire you, let alone just make good decisions about what to do and where to focus.
We’ve had our share of bumps at Heart of Business. Last week’s article about the simple fix for mistakes was learned out of the sweet pain of reality. My mastermind group, a circle of five other business owner friends for mutual support, has watched me go in and out of the same “Look! A rabid raccoon!” response for years.
Thankfully, it has been shifting and healing in tremendous ways. Now when hard things come up I don’t feel any emotional drama in my belly like I used to. There is a sense of calm certainty that I am safe, and like all the other times, we’ll walk through this one, too.
Because it’s been integrated, it’s been several years since I’ve used the “I am safe” present-time prayer affirmation.
A newer one I used is, “Because everything that comes from the Divine is from the good, this too, is from the good. I wonder how?” By putting into words my prayer, it reminds me of what my heart knows to be true, and opens up an attitude of curiosity and learning in facing whatever the situation is.
By asking with my heart, mind, and eyes open wide, invariably I am shown how it is from the good. We had trouble getting in contact with our amazing graphic designer (no fault of anyone’s, just communication stuff), so she didn’t have graphics for our Practitioner Training Program completed early.
And if she had, it would have been wasted effort, because the real next step we needed to take was to present the Spiritual Development Program, which needed different graphics. The communication delay saved trouble all around, and didn’t delay delivery of the graphics, because by the time we figured this out we had made contact.
All from the good, all from the good.
This prayer I use now, “This is from the good, I wonder how?” works because I know it to be true in my heart, not just my mind. I find that trying to use these kinds of prayers only as mental affirmations while the heart is unsure and the belly is scared, doesn’t really work.
In the thick of PTSD, “I am safe” wouldn’t work for me. I had to clear a certain amount of shtuff and reactions before it would really help to soothe me. Because by then I knew it to be true.
Identifying a present-time prayer affirmation to use for yourself in facing challenging situations is very much based in being very honest with yourself and your emotions. Wishing you were more enlightened/integrated/healed than you are doesn’t make it so.
Sometimes “I am safe in this moment” after looking around to make sure you really are safe, is all you can do. And wow does it work.
Simple heart action to take: If you’re facing a challenging situation, what’s true for you about your fears and reactions? What would be most soothing for you? Can you identify a present-time prayer affirmation that will help soothe you into the now, and bring you into your heart?
Please! Come share your challenges and what you come up with! Let’s inspire each other with ideas for present-time prayer affirmations!
Peace,
Mark
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13 Responses
“I’m safe in this moment” makes sense to me, and I’ve often said variations of it to myself. Sometimes I add the visualization of a safe and comforting place or person or situation, and maybe feel my way into it, imagining the air temperature and any other details I can.
“Because everything that comes from the Divine is from the good, this too, is from the good. I wonder how?” reminds me of a saying in Hebrew, “Gam zeh le’tovah,” meaning “This, also, is for the good,” with the implication being that it’s for the good because it is part of or comes from the Divine. The two sayings are a bit different, though — “from” vs. “for.”
I know people who use that Hebrew phrase about hard situations, and it usually bothers me. It feels like a platitude, and there are many situations in the world that, in my opinion, are NOT for the good. What resonates more for me is this question a teacher of mine asks in hard situations, “Is there a way to wrestle a blessing from this?” The openness of the question and the acknowledgment that there might not be a way seem more real. I also like that this question doesn’t “pin” the situation on the Divine … so many hard situations are caused by people, in my opinion.
Can you say more about how and why the phrase you use these days came to seem real to you? As you might guess, it’s the kind of question I often wonder about. Thanks!
Bridget- that’s a great question you brought. I love the chant Gam zeh le’tovah that I learned years ago, so thank you for reminding me of it!
About the prayer I’m using, that’s the thing about these personal prayers, they have to resonate with you. For me, I feel like I’ve been through enough really hard situations, and also sat with really hard situations that I’ve witnessed, and I’ve never, ever not found “the good.” It doesn’t mean that the thing itself is just fabulous. There are many, many tragic, or even evil, things that happen. And yet if I put enough time into prayer with it, I’ve always been able to get a taste of the good available in the situation.
If that hasn’t been your experience, then it might not be the prayer for you at this point of your journey. I’m sure that, in time, my little personal prayer will change again to fit whatever my journey of the heart looks like next. The key is not to push yourself to use a prayer that doesn’t feel true to you. Otherwise it becomes a mental exercise that isn’t very nourishing.
Got it, Mark!
So, a present prayer I offered a few minutes ago was, “God, help me to accept with gratitude the blessings in this situation, and to see if I can wrestle a blessing from the parts that are more challenging for me.”
For me, “wrestling” is a positive and meaningful term, since it’s a reminder of the Children of Israel (ancient name for Jewish people) being a name that means “God-Wrestlers.” The wresting is not about winning, but about staying in there with the Divine, even when it gets difficult.
Hi Mark and Bridget,
I have enjoyed your dialogue. I am not of the Jewish faith or tradition, but I LOVE the sense of “wrestling” as a positive term…meaning we are IN THERE, we are engaged, and we pay attention to “this, too, is from the good. I wonder how?” — remaining open to the radical answer we may receive. Thank you!!
Yes, that’s how it’s meant. Glad to hear that it resonates for you, Martha!
Nice, Martha- I love that it resonated for you, too. It’s a powerful metaphor, for sure.
Bridget- yes, the wrestling is a beautiful metaphor in Judaism, and one I always appreciated.
Mark, thank you so much! Your post spoke so directly to me, I am in tears. Helpful tears : ) I have tried to convince myself that I am “over” my past trauma (and I have indeed transformed in so many ways…) BUT when my memoir was published 3 years ago, I found myself on radio, TV & on stage speaking, telling my story, revealing my heart and my spiritual path and doing all kinds of things that did not, deep down, feel safe. I’ve been so angry and unforgiving of my “mistake” since I realized what I’d done. I feel like I re-traumatized myself (even though I see that it is more a matter of further healing. It’s from the good and for my good.) But I am still crying – those feelings needed to come forward. Thank you for the therapy! xoxox
Julie- you are so welcome! I’m so glad it resonated so strongly- helpful tears are a beautiful treasure. And thank you so much for sharing it here… inspiring. Gentleness is so badly needed on so many levels.
Mark, thank you so much for this beautiful, courageous, and inspiring sharing. I have thought about what your wrote for many days and am grateful to have it in my memory now. And to each of you, who has written and shared, really rich and brave stuff! Thank you.
Debbie- you are so welcome! I’m so glad it landed with you. It’s been so helpful for me.
So, a present prayer I offered a few minutes ago was, “God, help me to accept with gratitude the blessings in this situation, and to see if I can wrestle a blessing from the parts that are more challenging for me.”
okie
Nice!