I was reading in Sufi literature recently that it is said to “cry while praying. And if you aren’t crying, make yourself cry.”
The crying itself made sense to me. Some, probably all, of my deepest spiritual experiences either start with or end up with crying. But making yourself cry? How authentic is that? Really?
It’s long been understood that we can call up our own emotional states. Heck, scientists say that just by forcing the edges of your lips to curve upward (smiling), even when you feel miserable, helps you feel better. The physical influences the emotional.
Spiritual practice is like that, too. Although the intended aim of spiritual practice is just to “be” and not try to control the experience, in all honesty we are trying. I’m trying, I know, to access more of the love, peace, wisdom and compassion that I know dwells inside my heart.
Even more so with business. How do you just “be” with your business? I’m willing to bet that all your daily business actions are organized around trying to create a certain experience… meaning to reach certain goals and hopefully have certain outcomes.
You need the striving and effort. In a couple of minutes I’m going to the gym, where you can bet I’ll be striving. The other night I was up at 2am leading a Remembrance call for our community, part of a Virtual Retreat I lead every other month. Not easy to get up for, but wow, was that a beautiful call.
I’ve written a lot about needing to rest. Heck, just recently it was all about protecting your business from bullies.
Yet striving is important, too. Striving allows us to move forward in life just as it allows our hearts to open, widen and deepen in our connection with love.
The key insight about striving, I find, is that you choose when, why and for what you are striving consciously. Striving constantly leads to adrenal fatigue, physical collapse, and business mush. With many clients I’ve worked with, they come depleted, having strived in painful ways. Before any more work can happen, they need rest and recuperation spiritually and physically.
However, selectively, consciously striving allows you to gain traction and build momentum. Whether it’s striving to build capacity to access love when life gets bumpy, or to put structures in your business that build momentum and profit, I want to say that I support striving.
About the crying. Sufi teachings tell us that when the heart opens, spontaneous weeping (either sorrowful or joyful) is often the result. Weeping while praying is the body’s natural response to a downpouring of Divine light. Making yourself cry while praying, much like making yourself smile, can support the spiritual opening we long for so deeply.
Not every time. Striving consciously and selectively is important in spiritual practice as well. Sometimes you just need to nap.
My question for you is two-fold: what is worth striving for for you? And, what support do you have in place to make sure you are striving from your heart, and not hurting yourself?
With love and appreciation,
Mark
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16 Responses
Hi Mark,
I’ve actually been looking at Human Design in the last week and found out I’m a Generator. So as long as I’m doing what my inner guidance tells me to do then I actually need to keep working until my energy runs down…and overnight it gets replenished. Apparently 70% of people can get power from their sacral center if they follow their inner authority. However, for the other 30%, or anyone not following inner guidance, they’ll feel really run down if they don’t protect themselves.
Cheers,
James Wandler
James- that’s so interesting. I wouldn’t have guessed. It helps to really know oneself, doesn’t it?
Great gift this morning reading your post, Mark. Marshall Rosenberg
Jutta- That’s beautiful and clear. And yes, NVC is such a fantastic resource.
some years ago, I had the privilege of studying w. sonbonfo some. she’s a gifted teacher from Ghana who facilitates grief ritual and holds the space for us to honour and value grief. obviously, not all tears we shed are grieving. but she told us that god most especially hears our prayers when we cry during pray.
this post differentiating striving brings to mind a conversation I had w. someone yesterday about distinguishing between desire and grasping. desire makes the world go round: we often limit it to the sexual realm which is unfortunate. even the longing for the divine is desire. from my perspective grasping is when I become insistent that I must have something or a situation go my way, on my terms, in my time frame. desire has a more spacious, open quality that includes “not my will but thy will”. it opens my heart to the mystery.
as for what am I striving for these days? I’ve been delving more deeply into the teachings of the enneagram. being a 6 type in that system, I strive to trust “Being”, “Being” as the ground. i strive to allow myself to trust “not doing”: to open more and more to divine guidance, trust it and not be afraid that if I stop “doing” i’ll become so inert, that…that the world will stop spinning or something. if it stops turning, get in touch w. me. it’s my fault it stopped! 😀
Meg – I really resonate w/ your striving to trust Being, and to trust ‘not doing’. Thanks for voicing that!
(:D thank you margit. I was just drinking in and appreciating your comments as well…
ps. you’re in Olympia? i’m in Seattle. I looked at your website but could not find a way to contact you, hence scribbling a note in the blog (sorry folks!) tea sometime? please contact me: me*@******************nt.com
Meg- I’ve been so inspired by both Sonbonfo and Malidome Some. And yes, the Enneagram has been a terrific source of insight for me, too.
Wow. Provocative conversation – appreciate the post and people’s responses! Very important and relevant topic. Especially since I’m a recovering strive-aholic!
I’m in a big transition with my relationship to striving. Been pushing real hard all my life, and have a long list of “accomplishments” to show for it. But I crashed and burned because my body-psyche-spirit could not endure any more pushing.
I can’t seem to sustain any kind of striving for very long anymore. I burn out more and more quickly with that kind of energy (because it’s usually based on fear, and pushing away fear is actually what’s no longer sustainable…)
Not long ago I came to a profound recognition of fundamental powerlessness: I cannot make anything happen, nor can I prevent anything from happening. Outcome is not in my hands…. and I’m questioning everything about “control.”
Then came the corollary recognition: Nothing I do matters, and everything I do totally matters. From my current perspective, both are completely true.
So, what to do with these insights? How to re-navigate life?
Well, I participate in life, I take actions, and ‘consequences’ emerge from them. (I don’t even want to use the word ‘consequences’, because it suggests a linear cause-and-effect relationship that I don’t think exists in the way we want or imagine it to). Okay, so I participate in life, and… life unfolds. My actions and the unfolding life are one seamless movement. But I’ve got no control over the direction at all, yet my actions influence it.
It’s as if Life is asking for me to participate fully, and also to let go of outcome, all in the same action, in the same moment.
I’ve been trying to understand how my personal goals and intention fit into this seamless Life Unfolding, with my actions completely embedded in it.
Maybe goals are really more of a desire, or direction my heart is longing for? I can “choose” actions that appear in alignment with that desire or direction (or not). I can follow the pull of that desire by stopping (e.g. in Remembrance) and listening for the pulse of it, and feeling into the next step that seems called for. All the while, outcome is ultimately not in my hands, and I play my essential part.
What a mystery… (wtf?)
We’ll see how all this works when I go to the gym!
I struggle with striving and letting go as well. So much so, in fact, that it’s hard for me to make progress in actualizing the ideas that are dear to my heart…. I think you pretty much said it all in your post above. Participate vibrantly in life and stay detached from the outcome. The challenge for me, over and over again, is to keep stepping into the fear I experience around this without pushing and struggling or becoming aggressive. Actually, that is what is on my mind these days — owning my true strength and power and fearlessness without getting macho. Letting go of preconceived notions of what it means to be spiritual. After all, there is something called tough love. Maybe I am seeking an integrated understanding of that concept.
Margit- I know… it can seem so simple in the heart, and then when we arrive in the world, the gym, wherever, does it hold up? Surrender is a moment by moment process. It is a blessing, though, to no longer be able to strive in unnourishing ways.
The two words that came to mind when reading this post were “flex” and “flux”. The first reminds me of striving, the second of going with the flow. They’re like a ying and yang in my mind, complementing each other.
And your comments about tears and spiritual connection remind me of some neuroscience research I’ve read — from what I recall, there are similar neurotransmittors released (amongst them, beta-endorphin) in both. So encouraging oneself to cry, I imagine, would increase the likelihood of (deeper) spiritual connection.
Answering your question – my main focus for striving is to simply turn up, and as Margit mentioned above, to let life unfold. I’ve noticed lately I’ve been more engaged in the process and less attached to outcome, which is progress for sure 🙂
your comments erin reminded me of something I heard once called” the four dharmas of living”
1. show up
2. pay attention
3. do good work
4. let go of the results
Love it, Meg. Thanks for sharing this!
Erin- Striving to show up. I think that’s the only game in town, isn’t it?