Recently I was talking with a business owner who was struggling. Her question echoed what I’ve heard from many, many people.
“Who the heck am I to be helping these people?”
I’ve heard a version of this least 5 times in the last week. You might think it’s defeating-self talk, but no, that’s not what it is at all.
Asking this question is actually the sign of a really healthy heart, and just needs to be tweaked slightly in order to be really useful for you in your business.
The Essential Nature of the Human Heart
The human heart is made to serve. We’re happiest when we’re serving and contributing. And the most powerful and natural attitude of service is one of humility.
When that person asked the question “Who am I to help these people?” it was healthy that she wasn’t in arrogance, assuming she could help those people. The truth is, she didn’t yet have a lot of experience with the group of people she wanted to help.
But even for someone who is extremely experienced, it’s not always our role to help someone. It’s healthy to maintain a position of humility.
The real trouble wasn’t the question, it was the fact that it wasn’t a question.
The Statement of Defeat Contains the Question
Her heart asked a real question, “Who am I to help these people?” But then a sense of defeat and collapse turned that question into a statement.
It may have been worded as a question, but it was spoken as a statement of defeat, “I can’t help these people.”
I never want anyone to go instantly from a “No” to a “Yes” in any situation. Rather, in shifting an assumption, it’s much easier and more effective to move into sincere inquiry.
All she needed to do was sincerely ask the question, “Who am I to be helping these people?” Then listen to her heart for the answer.
It can take a little while to move past the critical voices of self-judgment. Sometimes you need the support of a caring witness, someone who can love you unconditionally and hold a space for you to move through.
When you are finally able to ask the question with sincerity, not knowing the answer, willing to be surprised, then a true response can arise from your heart.
The person asking this time was eventually able to feel a sense of joy and expansiveness, of love and freedom. Wow. She sensed how helpful this quality of joy would be to the people she wanted to help.
It’s not all they needed. They needed her skills and attention, among other things. But the essence of the joy was the true answer to “Who am I to be helping them?” All the defeat, all the self-criticism evaporated. Suddenly she felt like she really could help those people.
Of course, it takes humility and surrender to stay connected to her own heart, the access point of this joy. And this is where she needs to be truly of service.
Here’s your challenge for today: What question are you asking yourself in your business that you’ve turned into a statement of defeat? And what does your heart answer you in response?
p.s. Foundations 1: Clients and Money
Beyond the essence of your heart are the real-world skills, and the spiritual healing, that allows you to connect with the people who most need your help. And get paid.
Foundations 1: Clients and Money is the program to immerse yourself in if you really want to learn how to bring in clients and money without hurting your heart. You *can* help those people, you just need to know how to reach them.
I’m really looking forward to supporting you make your business thrive.
Check it out: Foundations 1: Clients and Money
6 Responses
Ah, lovely question. Only this morning I was asking/telling myself a particular question/statement, and feeling huge defeat:
“How can I possibly do what it takes to promote my work [a recent self-published book] when I don’t appear to have the momentum, discipline, and time to formulate and carry through a plan on my own and in the context of my full life?”
I realized that I’d missed my chance to share about my work yesterday at an event (I was there representing my very satisfying “day job”, but my book does dovetail with that work), and that I have an opportunity this weekend to present my book, which I haven’t given much thought to doing so.
In connecting with my heart, and the deep sadness that welled up, I realized that a true question/statement I’m making is: “Who am I to share about my book with the people around me? Why would they possibly be genuinely interested in it?” and finally: “Why would anyone possibly read my book and truly enjoy and have fun with it?!”
Well. I stayed with that realization, and got curious. I realized that all the people I’m around care intensely about various elements that thread through my novel … Hand in hand with that realization is that… I’ve grown to be a pretty effective storyteller, and have my own bundle of performance magic to bring into that of actually *telling stories*. In a sense, all my stories (book included) are teaching stories. What might happen if I saw them as a voice for the people around me? One way that their yearnings for what they want for their families, the world, their true natures can find some guideposts, and help them delve into where the teachings are alive and well in their own awareness, hopes, and dreams?
If I actually *tell* stories from my book, then presenting stories from my book becomes more about connecting with your stories, listening for them, and speaking to that heart. Whatever story I choose to speak about or perform or even just *from* (without even necessarily speaking it aloud – just embodying the truth of it) ends up being (ideally!) a response to the call of your heart.
That may be an idealistic thought – but I think it comes down to is believing in the heart of what we all have to offer, and that all of us have hearts sounding in “call and response”. When we create from that place of “call and response” and are humble about where we are in relationship to that “call and response” (just who is actually calling and who is responding? It maybe the opposite of who I think!) then we open the opportunity for connection and conversation, and perhaps moving along from there.
My musings on a sunny, windy morning. Thank you!
Jane- that was beautiful to read! So grateful to hear the fullness of the realization and musings. Thank you for sharing so deeply.
I find the hardest part of this for me is the just waiting and not trying to know, not trying to look at whatever the question is and analyze my way to an answer. My life seems to flip-flop between feeling strongly guided by my heart (typically more on the fly than when I’m specifically looking for guidance) and having my analytical mind come gallumphing through the picture, drowning out what my heart has to say.
Curt- I so relate to the gallumphing. I sometimes need my wife, or someone on the HoB team, to help hold the space when something is particularly challenging.
Sometimes it’s about asking the question and then being willing to wait for the answer, which may come immediately. Or sometimes it’s about asking the right question. I was recently discussing my business with a friend and was wondering if a new idea I had would work out. He said, ‘Rather than asking yourself if it will work out, ask yourself how it could work out.’ This really shifted my thinking away from a fear of failure to opening up to possibilities.
Leda- yes! The question is so important. As is the timing of the answer- although generally I see the answer come swiftly once I find the right question.