What A Sunflower Can Teach Us About Connection

This post is a guest post by Ann Brown, one of our clients and a facilitator in our Community. Being a bit of an extrovert myself (meaning I get energy from being with other people), I’m glad Ann is putting voice to the needs of introverts. Marketing, putting your business out there, can seem like such an extroverted thing, and you need to take care of who you are. Enjoy!
– Mark Silver

Do you sometimes feel isolated and lonely, yet feel there’s nothing you can do about it, because the ‘normal’ solutions don’t apply to you? .

“If you’re feeling lonely, you should join a group or a class,” they say.
“Invite a friend round for a meal” ….

That’s all very well, but what if you don’t have close friends (or any ‘real’ friends)?

What if you normally avoid groups because you get overwhelmed with the noise and busyness? You hate small talk at the best of times, but trying to do that in a group? You can’t focus on a conversation because everyone seems to be talking at once and you just can’t filter out the other noises.

It’s exhausting… so you avoid groups as much as possible.

You might pretend that you’re not lonely, or not even realise that the word applies to you … Feeling ‘different’ has come to mean that you must stay on the outside, yet disconnection and loneliness seep under the doorway of your heart, and gradually edge closer, as you battle to stay one step ahead.

When we’re not happy about feeling isolated, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking negatively about ourselves, and we might think that our ‘lack’ is because we can’t connect with others on their terms, but what if you could consider that lasting love and connection begins with yourself.

Have you ever gazed at sunflowers growing?

Aren’t they beautiful magnificent flowers!? Do you know the sunflower has very deep roots for absorbing intense nourishment from the soil, and so that these roots can support its great height when fully grown. It grows very slowly, taking as long as it takes to grow tall and strong; and it doesn’t care that the other flowers are rapidly blossoming all around it, bobbing and dancing merrily in the breeze.

The sunflower basks in the sunshine and always grows towards the light; only when it’s fully nourished will the sunflower finally open.

And what happens when the flower opens ?

Yep, it attracts bees and other insects (and people!), who can take nourishment from it. The sunflower doesn’t have to do anything but be itself, and when fully nourished it will naturally attract connection from other creatures.

So perhaps like the sunflower, the key to being able to connect with others is to be fully nourished, so you can be open to connection on your own terms; lasting love and connection begins with yourself.

How do you find the light that nourishes you?

1. I think one way to find out what nourishes you is to give yourself permission to do MORE of the things that you like to do, even if other people you know don’t enjoy them. Make a list! Have a think and list all the things that you enjoy doing, (including the things that you used to do when you were younger, but don’t seem to do anymore). You can be creative here (and maybe even a little silly!) – bringing out your playful side is a great way to nourish the younger part of you!
2. Give yourself permission to do LESS of the things that really stress you out. Start becoming conscious of what these are; again, it might be helpful to write a list of the things you hate, or that make you uncomfortable. And allow yourself to be honest – even if think you *ought* to enjoy certain things – if you really don’t, then that’s useful information. Only you can know how you really feel.
3. Be kind to yourself; when you’ve experienced a situation that was tough, (say you come back from a family get together feeling frazzled), instead of trying to ‘get over it’ as quickly as possible, (or tell yourself that you *shouldn’t* feel frazzled) take some time to acknowledge to yourself how you felt about it. By giving yourself that time, you’re allowing the feelings to be processed in a small way, which gives you a bit more resilience to withstand other similar events.

OK so you’re on track to being more nourished, then what?

I would say ‘be true to who you are’, and take some time to become conscious of what you really need; if you’re feeling *lonely*, what does that really mean? What would you ideally like to happen?

As you ask this question from deep within your heart, be willing to be surprised at what comes up for you.

You might not want to take part in a group activity (even though you can see other people ‘loudly having fun’) but you might find that what you really need is one or two people who you can call close friends, and who will happily give their time and energy to be with you, and will allow you to give to them.

Asking these questions will give you a clear sense of what you’re really aiming for, and makes it more achievable.

The world needs you, exactly as you are!

That’s the ultimate truth, and when you operate from a place of nourishment and deep connection with yourself, you can feel a sense of safety and ‘rightness’ about the way you are in the world.

From that place, you can approach connection with others not from a sense of ‘lack’, but from a genuine sense of wholeness, ‘real-ness’ and giving.

Other people have their comfortable way of doing things, and relating to each other, and it’s OK if your way of being comfortable is different. When you find a way to bring your ‘aliveness’ into the world, in a way that fits who you are, everyone wins.

So just like the sunflower, you can take a long time to nourish yourself deeply, absorbing the light from all the different sources that are available to you. Then when you’re ready, you can blossom in your own way, and naturally attract other living things to you, because you’re radiantly you!

I’d love to connect with you and hear how this lands for you!

What are some of the ways that you nourish yourself?

I love to walk in the forest, and be surrounded by trees (and birds and squirrels!). I also love to watch the wild deer that come to graze in the fields where we live.

How about you?

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My name is  Ann Brown – I’m one of the Heart of Business Community facilitators. I’ve recently launched my business:

Happy Being You
For sensitive women who struggle to feel confident being themselves yet who want to live into their mission and purpose.

You can download my free guided meditation on connecting to your inner child here. I’d also like to invite Heart of Business readers who resonate with my work to experience a Free Session with me here.