by MarkSo you read about some way to develop your business, or you take a class, or just have a great conversation with someone who knows what they’re talking about. Then you do something amazing: you actually try to implement what you’ve learned.
And it plops. Fails. Doesn’t look like it did in the cookbook. The waves of despair start lapping at the shore of misery, and whatever other hyperbolic imagery occurs to you. Darn it! Was the information bad? Were you tricked? Why didn’t it work like you expected it to?
Totally normal expectation, and, I’m sorry to report, it’s not an unusual outcome.
Let Me Tell Your Two Stories of Failure
When it was time to hire someone else to help at Heart of Business, I talked to a friend of mine who had been a CEO that hired lots of people, and got great advice from him. I read some of the top interviewing books. And my wife, Holly, and I went through the steps.
Two bad hires. In a row. Fine people, just really bad fits. And then the third was totally golden: Kate Williams, who, if you haven’t had the pleasure to meet yet, I hope you do someday. She’s amazing at all sorts of stuff, including managing this business for success.
Here’s another one. I had learned about marketing from all kinds of experts, from various angles. As a result, I had great content, a good sales page, testimonials and success cases, a decent list of email subscribers, and a history of selling out other courses.
But my own marketing course? I couldn’t fill it. Painful, especially when someone emailed me, “I’m not going to take a marketing course from someone who can’t even fill it.” Until, on the advice of a great friend of mine, Jason Stein of Freetobeparents.com, I tweaked the title of the course. It sold out.
Humbling. And that’s just two stories out of many. And they keep happening all the time to me.
The Spiritual Lesson About Success and Failure
You’re not going to like this. Well, I didn’t like it, and so I’m guessing you aren’t going to like it, either.
Life, and business, is not about success. And no, it’s not about “learning some lesson,” either, although that’s what happens from time to time.
Ancient spiritual teachings tell us that the aim of life is to find love everywhere. To be overly attached to success and to abhor struggle, failure, or other hardships is a subtle turning away from love.
Here’s a question I love asking my heart when I’m struggling: “Is love available even here?”
The Implications for Your Business
Business and life have risks associated with them. Marketing, hiring, and other business development thingamadoodles you may take on are not paint-by-number projects. Sometimes they work out wonderfully. Sometimes there’s challenge and struggle involved.
What’s certain is that you can make decisions easier and temper the risks by learning from trusted sources, whether it’s friends, teachers, books, or other places. Not learning from others is a sure recipe for drawn out struggle. Kinda like trying to learn the tuba by yourself while wearing earplugs.
You might eventually do okay with it, but why put yourself through that?
However, it’s also important to understand that the learning process doesn’t preclude struggle. Wisdom is gained through experience, and experience is gained through, well, doing it and seeing what happens and then learning from what you see.
All of this is perhaps somewhat obvious, but I’ve seen many people, including myself, put a tremendous amount of hope and expectation on having other people “save” them. My message to you is, if possible, to let go of the idea that someone else’s wisdom is going to save you from struggle.
When you do struggle, ask yourself the question, “Is love available even here?” That can reduce the fear of trying new things, when your heart can receive the knowledge that you are cared for even in, perhaps especially in, times of struggle.
And then keep doing it. That third hire, that umpteenth tweak of a course title, that next iteration is the charm. Your business can succeed, if only you’re willing to let go of attachment to success, and find love even in the struggle.
Subscribe to the free Business Heart ezine
8 Comments... Care To Join Us?
My fear has been pushing up on the higher end of the scale lately. I’m putting a teleconference together for the readers of my blog. I’ve been reluctant to pick a date. Because will it be good enough? Will anyone care?
I’ve tried to ignore this, but I keep coming back to fear. I like the idea of finding the love in the situation. Not pushing away or running away from it, but just feeling the love.
I know that I can give my readers value through a teleconference. That’s what I need to focus on. The love that I have for my readers and how much I can help 2, 10, or 20 people. Whoever shows up I will give them all attention, intelligence and compassion I can offer.
Karl Staib – Work Happy Now´s last blog ..Happy at Work Action Day October 5th
Ok, I admit it, (already outed this with friends) when I feel struggle, I have an addiction…to self improvement or books or wisdom, from everyone else. I read till I am completely overwhelmed…looking for something to take the pain from the struggle and lonliness with the struggle. Even Mark’s great work, I bought the original book, hoping “YOU! and the Community at HOB” would save me. Bummer, didn’t really work, my expectations were WAY out of wack.
Yup, it doesn’t work. Great to dip into, have resources, but it simply cannot soothe me the way tuning in and finding love and care and kindness for myself, and others in the moment. Somehow it shores me up, and I get more grounded, and find the energy to keep going. Thanks for this Mark, it’s timely, as I am still finding my way for my company and work direction, good starts, and some stops, Is there love even here?
There’s a big misperception of what it’s like to own a small business in popular culture. Wild success and dismal failure tends to get the most press.
The reality for me is exactly what you wrote, Mark. I start with my best intentions and then make my best effort. And the first attempt is rarely successful. It usually takes multiple tries to finally get something right.
For myself, finding the love often involves just sharing what’s going on with others. Yesterday I was feeling very discouraged about one of my marketing programs and a friend said, “Wow, I want to acknowledge you for just being willing to keep showing up!”
That kind and loving comment was exactly what I needed to hear to keep going.
Like a lot of people, when things aren’t going well I tend to want to hide until the situation improves. It’s really hard to be so vulnerable but when I share with the right people, there’s love and support available.
Peace,
Judy
I really like this take. We’re brought up to make quick judgments of what’s “good” and what’s “bad” and when we judge an experience as a bad one, we immediately exclude the possibility of joy, peace, love and all that good stuff from that experience… and we make it bad!
“Is love available even here?” I’d like to tweak it to “how is love available even here?” It’s safe to assume it’s available everywhere – we just need to learn how to see and experience it.
Thanks, Mark!
Cath
Cath Duncan´s last blog ..How to Find the Hidden Opportunities in Crises
@Karl – I totally get the fear pushing up, and I’m glad you are jumping in! Here’s my trick: nearly the first thing I do is pick the date- and then everything else comes afterwards- the sales letter, the content creation, everything except the date and the topic.
Nothing like a deadline to get you moving!
@Kelly- Tuning in and finding love. I agree- it’s the only thing that works. And boy, sometimes I too would just wish the pain would go away… it’s a continual practice of surrender and acceptance.
@Judy- that witnessing is so important! I’m glad you reach out- so many people isolate…
@Cath- Good point- love is available everywhere, and it is a safe assumption. One reason I word the question the way I do is to echo the actual question the ego is holding. The ego isn’t witnessing love, and so it’s wondering if love is available. Sometimes when I ask “How” (or “where”) my ego doesn’t believe it, and needs to start at the most basic place…
This phrase really tickled my fancy
“The waves of despair start lapping at the shore of misery” Nice turn of the phrase.
Hey Mark,
That’s such a great question, and it brought up a kind of paradoxical answer for me which is :
It only feels like struggle in the areas where my heart is already invested!
In the places where I don’t care so much about the result, it’s no biggie when things don’t work out. Oh, well, what’s next?
I’ve been working through an old copy of your Heart Centered Goal Setting workbook lately and when I asked my heart about the state of my relationship with marketing, my heart acknowledged to me how much caring I’ve put into learning about it over the last 10 years.
That was such a surprise. And that’s when I realized that, sometimes, it’s BECAUSE I care so much and have put so much love into it, that it feels like struggle to me.
I think it’s the love for it that really calls me to mastery and makes me hang in through the struggle anyway. And on some kind of soul level, I actually think the transformation through the love AND the struggle is the whole point!
It’s just my “all attached to the result” ego that forgets. = >
Thanks for the post and thanks again for the workbook!
Susan
Susan J´s last blog ..Resistance is Your Soul’s Compass
@Susan- I love that “I think it’s the love for it that really calls me to mastery…” that’s a tremendous phrase- thank you so much for sharing the experience. You rock!
Want an avatar? Get a gravatar!
If you have any trouble posting your comment, please drop us a line and we'll sort it out.