Her question:
I wrote you a couple of months ago asking for your thoughts on how to keep a business thriving while simultaneously being a caregiver. (My husband has mid-stage Alzheimer’s Disease.)
The caregiving doesn’t take much physical energy on my part at this point, but it does take a lot of psychic energy, which I find drains what I can apply to my business. It’s also, of course, depressing, and it’s sometimes difficult to surmount that.

Oy! I realized the reason I hadn’t responded was because there is no simple answer. I’ve grappled with a similar question myself as a business owner and caregiver.

My wife Holly was sick for ten years. Really sick. Chronically sick with Lyme disease–a debilitating illness that Western medicine has nothing more to offer but REALLY high doses, and an often ineffectual treatment, of antibiotics.

It was a long, long recovery process, one that I never thought would end. Although she still has to be very careful with her diet and her health, she’s now a fully functioning mom of soon-to-be toddlers and keeping up!

Although she didn’t require the level of care taking that I know people with Alzheimer’s need, there were many, many, many times when I was caught up in helping her when she couldn’t help herself.

What Happened?

We had a very small life–no camping, no hiking, no biking, no real adventures, and kids were out of the question during that time.

I was exhausted. I was annoyed. I was frustrated. I was patient. I did my best. I worked really hard to keep money coming in. Even so, early on, when Holly was the sickest, we had to file for medically-induced bankruptcy.

Thankfully, painful experiences fade with time, and so I don’t remember many of the details. I do remember how guilty and sad I would feel doing the few things on my own that I could. Guilty because I knew she would have loved to have been out on her bike, or hiking, or whatever with me. And sad because I didn’t really want to be doing them alone. I married Holly because I wanted to be with her, like, all the time.

It Was a Three-Way Relationship

Although I’m not into non-monogamy (been there, done that, for me waaaaayyyy too much work, too easy to avoid intimacy, and very little payoff), our marriage became a three-way relationship: Mark, Holly, and Lyme Disease.

There were so many times that she tried some new treatment, so many times we thought health was “just around the corner” and wasn’t that eventually I just lost hope. I gave up. I figured, this is our life, I have to accept it. I just couldn’t handle the roller coaster of Hope then Hope Dashed, over and over again.

The Turning Point

Well, I think it’s important to note that the business took a big jump in 2005, then another big jump in 2006. This was about three years after we moved to Portland, Oregon so Holly could be treated by Heiner Freuhauf, a world-renowned master of Chinese medicine whom we met through our Sufi training.

It ended up taking many more approaches then just working with Heiner.  There have been so many pieces to my wife’s healing, layers and layers and layers. At one point we were spending about $1000 out of pocket every month for alternative health care. Thank God Heart of Business was doing well enough to sustain those expenses. Over time as her health began to return, I was able to put more time and attention toward the business.

Looking back, I imagine things might have moved more quickly if she and I had been totally healthy and in our prime.

Though, maybe they wouldn’t have. I learned so much, and gained so much patience, perseverance, and insight into healing by accompanying her on her path that I’m thinking Heart of Business wouldn’t be the same without that experience, and perhaps not as successful.

So… How Did I Create a Successful Business in the Midst of All That?

I don’t really know how the hell I did it. Through a lot of help, prayer, and the grace of God. A LOT of prayer. A lot of prayer. Lots of prayer. And I have to admit that a dose of workaholic tendencies to drown the pain helped too.

Oh, and denial. I would go into periods of denial about how sick Holly really was, allowing me to focus on other things instead of worrying and caretaking constantly.

There are no simple answers to handling, to holding a business and a loved one’s ongoing and consuming need for care. I wish there were.

And, we got lucky. Heart of Business has been very successful and continues to grow. Holly got her health back. If neither of those things had happened, we might be deep in debt and still struggling.

My Advice Runs Contrary to the Common Run

Here’s what I would say when faced with running a business and being a primary caretaker for a loved one:

• Don’t be Afraid of Denial

Denial is a wonderful gift. Actually, in some situations, it can become what Sufis refer to as “compassionate veiling”–a time when God takes something from our awareness and hides it from us for our own good. That hiding can be so soothing, healing, and nourishing. Don’t worry, in a situation like this one, the awareness will come back.

And when the awareness does come back, you’ll feel scared, and cry, and rage, and all of that. It’s okay. It’s part of it. Oy.

• Pray a Lot–And Then Some

My spiritual connection really saved my butt. It wasn’t about holiness and pureness and drifting clouds and angels and yadadada…

Let me tell you, prayer is what worked for me when I was in the depths of doubt and fear and pain and loneliness. When our debt kept climbing, and the next great healing thing that we had just spent I don’t know how much money on didn’t totally work the way we expected.

To have access to peace and love and rest and comfort in the middle of that, no matter the circumstances, was such a saving grace. I am so deeply grateful for what I’ve learned through the Sufi practices because of the access they’ve given me to the depths of my heart.

There’s a Sufi saint, Rabi’a of Basra, who came into such deep connection with Oneness that she didn’t want any more than the rock she had for a pillow. Seriously, a rock for a pillow, and she was happy.

I’ve never celebrated resting my head on a rock, but this whole trip has driven deep the idea that happiness has absolutely nothing to do with outside circumstances and everything to do with my connection to Source.

• Invest in Learning

Heart of Business was born in the middle of my training in Sufi healing. And after graduating, I continued to spend money on my education, often creating debt, so that we could keep growing the business.

Holly would often have to beat me over the head to get me to do it. “But, we don’t have the money!” I would argue. “And if you don’t get the help to develop this business, we’re screwed,” she would answer.

She was always right. Led by prayer and guidance, I got the help. I paid for multiple healing sessions for myself. I took classes. I bought information and books. I read and learned voraciously. And I kept applying it bit by bit.

In the end, there’s no magical solution. But indulging in denial through the compassionate veiling, praying a whole heckuva lot, and continuing to get help both for yourself as a caretaker and for your business development makes a big difference.

If this is your situation, I don’t know how your story will turn out. Heck, I don’t know how my story will turn out. But at the heart of everything, there is always Love available. So don’t give in to despair.

As the Sufis say, “The point is not to drink until your thirst is quenched. The point is to develop the perfect thirst, so that you never stop drinking.” This whole experience has developed an incredible thirst in me for the Love, and I pray that I never lose it.

It’s no wonder he thought this–all the messages coming at us from popular culture tell us that if we’re not doing what we’re supposed to be doing, we’re lazy.

I’m Going to Tell You Right Now, I Don’t Believe in Lazy

What is laziness? Back to my well-thumbed American Heritage Dictionary: “Resistant to work or exertion; disposed to idleness.”

Okay, I accept the first part of the definition: “resistant.” But NOT disposed to idleness. How many people in business do you know who are disposed to idleness? Out of the hundreds of people I’ve worked with, I haven’t seen anyone prefer to sit around all day, for days on end, with their hands in their back pocket.

Sure, maybe you are working on ineffective things. Or are paralyzed because of indecision. But lazy…? I don’t think so.

If You Think You’re Lazy, Do Nothing for One Week

Nothing. Don’t clean the house. Don’t make any phone calls. Don’t surreptitiously work on your marketing. Don’t even think about any of this. If you can do this for one week, even then you aren’t lazy, you’re probably just enlightened.

Okay, so what is this thing that we call “lazy”? It’s resistance. So if we’re resistant, especially if we’re unconsciously resistant, it’s probably a good idea to find out why.

In every case, when I’ve looked at the situation for myself or a client, the resistance was a healthy (healthy!) stopping point, because our beings didn’t want to move forward and jump over a necessary step.

Remember my new client who thought he was lazy? When we looked, we saw a crucial self-care issue that he had been unconsciously trying to jump over. If he had actually moved forward into action without dealing with this self-care piece, he would have perhaps gotten those tasks done, but at the cost of burning-out and disconnected from his heart.

If you are calling yourself lazy, I think it’s time to acknowledge your resistance as healthy, and see what your heart doesn’t want you to miss.

Keys to Lazy

• Many issues of laziness actually have to do with forgotten self-care issues.

While you aren’t getting something done, feeling more and more frantic or judgmental about it, you are probably also feeling depleted. Notice the depletion–what do you need to care for yourself?

No, I’m not necessarily talking about a week’s vacation or a dozen chocolate cookies (although that might be a part of it.) Rather I’m thinking your heart is needing some acknowledgment, some love and acceptance,that you’re not bad or wrong for not having done it yet.

And is there some jewel forgotten at your feet that you’ve missed, that your heart is asking you to pick up before moving forward? Take a few moments with your heart and ask, “What am I needing to recognize, pick up, or accept before moving forward with this?”

What does your heart say?

• Try breaking it down.

Whatever it is that you aren’t getting to, perhaps in reality it’s more than one thing. For instance, that bookkeeping task you’ve been meaning to get to, it’s not just sitting down and entering the information. It’s five other tasks, including dealing with that gosh-darned accounting program that doesn’t make any sense. Or it means acknowledging a debt you owe that you’ve been perhaps uncomfortable to look in the eye.

Ahhh! That’s what was stopping the email–you aren’t lazy, you are uncomfortable dealing with the software or the debt. Make space in your heart, and face the discomfort.

What is your heart needing here in order to face this issue?

Laziness is this blanket judgment we put on ourselves for not “just doing it.” In reality, there’s either a missing piece that we don’t want to miss, or some discomfort that we’re not yet willing to face.

Slow down, break it down, listen to your heart, and then see if it’s easier to move forward through your money, marketing, or other business projects.

From the email and flurry of comments on the blog, this state of craziness is not unknown to you, either. In fact, it may seem more normal to have too much going on than you might ordinarily prefer.

A good mixture of spiritual practices, business focus, and love and support from friends and family is usually a winning recipe. But you may be missing a critical ingredient.

Things Were Getting Decidedly Strange

I had been noticing more and more overwhelm and worry-thoughts invading my space. Strange impulses and disturbing feelings that were familiar to me from much earlier in my life. Remembrance and spiritual practice helped a bit, but not as much as normal.

And then I noticed. With Holly’s sister in town, and the attempts to feed mom-in-law whatever she would eat, our eating habits were nosediving. Comfort foods, desserts, and strange eating times took over our life.

Plus, between the twins and family, my wife and I couldn’t connect with each other as we normally do. Instead of connection, I was eating. Eating all kinds of stuff, eating often and too much.

And my worry and fear went through the roof. Thankfully, in my spiritual practices, this one Sufi teaching kept popping up in my face over and over again.

The Most Dangerous Thing To Fill

The Sufi take on food is: don’t eat much. George Burns, the comedian who lived 100 years had the same philosophy of eating whatever he wanted, but only eating half of what was on the plate.

My Sufi sheikh has told us, “The most dangerous thing to fill is your stomach.” It may not be an obvious connection, but I’ve observed over the past nine years of spiritual work that what I eat directly affects my well being and effectiveness.

More from my sheikh: “Sufis do not eat except when they are hungry. And even then they do not eat to their complete satisfaction.” There is deep wisdom in this, because our sense of hunger is remarkably blunt. It can take an entire fifteen minutes from the time your stomach has enough, until the nerves let your brain know to turn off the hunger signal.

Fifteen minutes. That’s enough time to eat an entire extra meal, if you act quickly.

Our compulsions around food are very strong in this culture. Eating disorders abound, and for many of us food was and is a substitute for love and acceptance.

I’m not saying it’s easy, and for some of us, we need some real help to come into healthy relationship with food.

But if you’re struggling to be effective in your business, to be clear and grounded and open-hearted, and to overcome your fears, here’s what I’ve found helps me around food.

Keys To Eating Like An Entrepreneur

• The Rule of Thirds = A Fist Full

When you eat, remember that one third of your stomach is for food, one third is for water, and one third is for air. If you think about the actual size of your stomach, it becomes obvious that we’re talking about a fairly small amount of food that you actually need.

Here’s the rule of fist: ball your fist up, and hold it over your plate. Keep the quantity you take to the size of your fist, and no more. Eat that, and wait fifteen minutes. See if you’re really still hungry or not.

• Try Fasting From Time to Time

In every spiritual tradition I’ve studied, fasting is encouraged from time to time to help clear out the body and the spirit. In Sufism, ritual fasts are during daylight hours from sun up to sun down. Other traditions favor 25 hour fasts, or other practices.

Try picking a day and fasting. Notice your hunger. And notice the emotions and feelings that come up that would ordinarily drive you to go get something to snack on.

My experience is that in facing those feelings in a spiritually-supported ritual fast, they eventually settle out, and there is a deeper peace that I find underneath them.

Of course, do NOT fast if you’re ill or pregnant. Sufism forbids fasting in either of those cases, and it’s just plain good sense.

• Learn About Real Food

Food and diets can be very controversial, mainly because different body types need different nutrition to stay healthy. The one rule is that processed sugary food is not going to have the aliveness that you probably need to be effective in your business.

Here are two sources that have done miracles for my wife and I. You may like these, or you may like others, but even if you go to a nutritionist, find food that supports your body.

These two approaches, in combination, even though they contradict each other in parts, have brought me, my wife, and my kids an aliveness that is incredible:

Nourishing Traditions
The pH Miracle

It may be strange to contemplate your diet as a business-building strategy, but after recent events in my family, I’m reminded of the incredible role food has played in my ability to be effective, creative, and grounded in my business.

Try out eating only a fist-sized portion, try fasting, and try avoiding sugar or processed foods. Then notice your relationship to your business and all you’re trying to do. You may be very surprised by what happens.

Makes you wonder and doubt–did someone not buy simply because they didn’t buy, or is this the beginning of the end of your business?

You don’t want to stick your head in the sand. But if you did you might be able to stay inspired and motivated despite it all.

What’s really going on? Well, you may just be sitting in a little financial market stress disorder and it’s blowing everything way out of proportion.

Why Pagers Upset Me

For some reason a friend and I were talking about pagers. It was just a moment in a conversation, but I had to blink a few times. You see, nearly every time someone mentions “pager,” I have a disturbing image spring to mind.

I was the responding paramedic in a rural area where two cars had slammed into each other head-on at very high speeds in the middle of the night. One car had been torn in half, and I won’t give you the rest of the details. However, we discovered the cause of the crash later.

In one of the cars, a pager was beeping. We guessed the driver had reached over to read his pager and accidentally crossed the double-yellow line into the oncoming car. Tragic.

Unfortunately, when someone mentions “pager” this scene still pops up in my mind. Pagers aren’t really used any more, but years later it still affects me.

This is a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). If you are exposed to very traumatic images once or just disturbing images multiple times, you can start to experience a mild form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Guess what’s happening in the news these days with the economy? Watch, listen, or read too much, and you could, and I’m being serious about this, end up experiencing mild to moderate symptoms of PTSD. Just like other trauma, an ongoing financial threat plays havoc with our fears around survival and security.

Cycles and Transformation

Two things to remember: our economy has always run in cycles. Even with the stock market crash of 1929, the economy picked up again a few years later. With the various recessions and hard times we’ve had in the past things have always come around.

And with each of the those cycles, everyone may be affected, and yet some people still thrive and do well. The ones who do well will be the ones who can stay centered, grounded and make decisions from wisdom and love, not from fear and stress.

You can, and will, probably feel fear and stress. Just don’t make business decisions based on those feelings. First return to wisdom and love.

The second thing to remember is that the world, our culture, is desperately needing transformation. Whatever your business is, if you are bringing heart to it, you are involved in helping this world become a better place. We need you. Your clients need you. Don’t doubt that.

So, what do you do during these crazy times in our financial market? Let me share with you some of what we’re doing.

Keys to Business Health When the Market Dives

• Avoid the News and Support Your Health

Well, you don’t have to completely avoid the news. But you want to stop searing the words of calamity and fear into your head. When I was on a team debriefing critical incidents, such as when a really horrific shooting was displayed on the news, we told people affected to stop watching the news. You got the facts, now turn it off.

In addition, it’s important not to change your routine. Get physical exercise, drink water, eat healthfully. Avoid systemic depressants like alcohol. Your system is dealing with a lot of fear out there, it needs all the help it can get.

• Stay Connected to Your Vision

This can seem simple, but the truth is your vision has a long-term aspect to it. That long-term aspect can see past the bumps and bruises that are happening right now.

By connecting to your vision, you don’t have to fall into the fear that what’s going on now is the way things will always be. Your vision speaks to you of the possibility of healing, growth and transformation, and it can keep your heart connected to what’s real.

Here at Heart of Business we just worked on our five to ten year vision, and it sees far beyond any ups and downs that might go on over the next few years.

• Get Focused in Your Marketing

When people get scared, they pull back needing trust and reassurance. Businesses who also pull back look like they suddenly disappeared, and so your clients can lose faith in you.

Simply by showing up with heart-centered marketing, which emphasizes safety, empathy and connection, you can build more trust with the clients who really need you.

And they do, they really do. Their problems don’t go away simply because the markets took a flop. In fact, now may be the time they need help more than ever.

It’s easy to get scared when the world seems to have gone crazy. And, there are real pains and troubles that people are experiencing. But if you take care of yourself and don’t get caught up in the news-loop that can give you Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, then you can return to wisdom and love.

With that reconnection to wisdom and love, your vision can carry you beyond the present moment. If you continue to show up for your clients and potential clients with wisdom, love and heart-centered marketing, then I have every confidence that your business can be a part of what will help the economy recover and thrive once more.

I’m wondering what steps you’re inspired to take to care for yourself around the financial goings-on?

Smooth move, eh? I had just executed the perfect tactic to avoid being hired. Or did I? Before I tell you what happened next, let me tell you about a friend.

My friend hated me.

“Well, every time I read one of your newsletters, it seems like everything is always sunny, cheerful and great in Mark’s world. And I get depressed because my world, in that moment, looks like c#@p. It doesn’t look like Mark’s world.”

If you read the ocean of blogs and newsletters, there’s a lot of talk about ‘authenticity.’ And yet the overall tone is one of everyone being in a perpetual good mood, as if someone had been sneaking Zoloft into their lattes. Which, when you’re looking for help and support, can either cheer you up, or totally piss you off.

Well, let me be clear: as I sit down to write this newsletter, I’m in a bad mood. Yoga was hard this morning. I didn’t sleep so well last night. The month has been, business-wise, the slowest of the year. I have a promise to get a final document to the participants in the Heart-Centered Article Writing Course, and I can’t find the creative -oomph- to get it done.

And we haven’t yet brought our new assistant on-board, so I’ve got a bunch of little stuff to do, that I don’t wanna do.

Nothing horrible. No tragedies. Millions of people have it much worse. But I’m just in a bad mood.

Is it okay to be in a bad mood? Even more, is it okay to market in a bad mood? Or do I always have to have my cheer on?

Forcing myself to find a teaching.

Even though I’m in a bad mood, and I just don’t wanna, I’m going to push myself a little and dig up a teaching about it all.

Here’s the Sufi teaching: Always be in authentic service. Always.

Too much freedom overwhelms us. Even all the marketing professionals say that if you give a customer too many choices, they many not buy anything at all.

Being in service limits your freedom in a healthy way. The heart, in order to feel alive, needs to serve.

Now here’s the million-karma-point question: in service to what?

You could be in service to your readers or clients. Except that from time to time you might feel like a dog that’s been kicked too many times, just because you’re in a bad mood (not because you’re clients are abusive.)

You could be in service to your self. Except when you’re in a bad mood, that tends to lead to empty ice cream containers, too many lattes, and a vaguely nauseous feeling from over-indulgence.

The real trick is to stay in service to Source. Not in a collapsed “I’ll keep working because I have to” way. And not in a “I’m super-doodle and can keep doing anything because Source is on my side!” kinda way.

What happens if you do that?

Well, that guy who called me? We had an authentic conversation about how we really are. I was in a bad mood, he was too. That’s why he was calling. And, despite my mind-numbingly stupid marketing tactic, he hired me.

That’s right. It worked, even though I didn’t have my Suzy Sunshine cheer on. What the bleep?!? How can that work?

Well, lemme tell ya- it ain’t always easy, because it does take some self-knowledge, and willingness to slow down. Being in service to Source when you’re in a bad mood… let’s take a look at how you can do it.

Keys to Being in Service When You’d Rather Not.

• Feel rotten.

You’re in a bad mood. Be in a bad mood. But, don’t -BE- the bad mood. The subtle difference here is one of consciousness.

I can either stomp around, kicking the cat, yelling at my wife, and throwing things, or numbing out to bad YouTube videos. Or, I can breathe, check-in, and notice that I feel anxious, upset, grumpy, and that I’ve got tension and misery bound up in my body.

And not try to change it. Just feeling it. Instead of yelling or kicking, I speak it: “Hey Holly, I am in a grumpy, bad, no-good mood, and I feel like throwing things.”

Sometimes that changes my mood. Sometimes it doesn’t. But either way, there is now space for me to be just where the heck I am.

• Connect to Source.

Whether you use the Remembrance that I teach, or your own way, you need to connect to a larger Reality. Because when you’re in a bad mood, your perspective is, shall we say, limited.

Caution! Connecting isn’t about trying to force yourself into peacefulness, or love, or beauty. Here’s how I do it: “Hey, I’m in a bad mood. And Source. I feel rotten and miserable and run-down. And Love. I want to yell and throw things. And the Divine is here, too.”

Nothing fancy. No changing or fixing yourself. Just showing up authentically, and remembering that Source is also present. Yes, even here, in your bad mood.

• Now, be in service.

You’re connected. You’re in a bad mood. Ask: “Hey Source, I’m in a bad mood. What’s being called for here?”

Bow your head. No, you don’t feel like, but bow your head anyway. Source is in charge, and when you’re in a bad mood, your individual perspective is probably not as inclusive or insightful as Source’s.

Bow your head and ask: “What is being asked for? Where am I being led? What’s truly alive?” If what comes pisses you off more, say “Yes” to it anyway… and then ask for more information: “Wow, now I’m even more pissed off. What part of the message didn’t I hear yet?”

My example: I was pissed off, and on deadline to write an article. When I connected, I had a little more spaciousness in my heart. Then I asked- and heard that I had to get the article done. Which pissed me off. And then asked again: “Write from where you are. Stop trying to be somewhere you’re not.”

And this article just flowed out of me. I hope you like it.

I would wrap this article up neatly with a conclusion, but I still have the remnants of my bad mood, so I’m just going to end with: be yourself. Stop trying to always put your cheer on.

Your business is here to serve others. Your clients need the help, sometimes desperately. They are hurt, they are struggling, they are depending on you. And, they’re paying you money. Of course they come first.

Just like emergency workers, you’re here to help.

No. That’s not right. The client always comes last.

The patient is the fourth priority.

We were sitting there in our white shirts, and the instructor at the front of the room was saying to us: “No! That’s not right. The patient always comes last.”

I, along with the rest of my paramedic class, was shocked. Last? The patient comes last? I thought the whole point of being a paramedic was to take care of the patient.

“First priority is you. The second priority is your partner. The third priority is other emergency workers. And the fourth priority is the patient. Because if the helpers are hurt, what happens next? And if you make it through the call, but then need to go out of service, then we have an ambulance offline until we get someone else in, which could take hours.”
You’ve heard some version of this a thousand times, but something about sitting in that paramedic class really helped it sink in for me.

And, years later, I found that there is a spiritual teaching that supports this. It’s called ‘the sequence of connection.’

The Sequence of Connection.

Nearly every spiritual path I’ve encountered talks about how to experience and live in the Oneness of Reality, and then, from Oneness, from wholeness, from unity, be in service to the many. Some call it being a boddhisatva, some call it ‘enlightenment’, others call it ‘Christ Consciousness.’

Whatever you call it, the elements are the same. And, since I’m a Sufi, I’ll talk about it from the Sufi perspective.

The first step in the sequence of connection is ‘know thyself.’ Taking the time, attention, and consciousness to know your strengths, your weaknesses, who you are, how you feel, what you know.

The second step is ‘annihilation.’ At least, that’s the fun word in Sufism. It’s about then surrendering those known parts of your ego, of your limited self, and letting go of attachment and ownership. This happens through connection to the Divine, Source, That Which Is, The Real. God, Allah, HaShem. Whatever insufficient name one uses, we’re talking about the Big Reality.

The third step is ‘subsistence’ or ‘the return.’ This is when the ego has been cleaned completely, and the enlightened one brings attention and consciousness back to Divine service here in the world.

Of course, all of that is a tall order. People spend decades of their life in spiritual practice, only to taste little tastes of this.

Luckily you don’t need to be enlightened in order to put it into action on a daily basis in your business.

The client is the third priority.

Next time a client, or anyone in relationship with your business, asks you for something, take a moment to reflect. Even if they are in terrible, immediate need, my paramedic instructor told us: “There’s always time to take your own pulse.”

First, check in with yourself. How are you feeling, physically and emotionally?

Then, take a breath and even two seconds of spiritual practice, such as the Remembrance I describe in my free workbook (link at the very bottom) or whatever practicing or centering practice you do. Remember your Divine Source, and that the buck doesn’t stop with you.

Finally, finally, turn your attention to the person in front of you and their request. Suddenly, it’s a little easier to face it, without dropping everything you’re doing.

But, that seems like quite a long process. Meanwhile, the person is sitting in front of you, watching all of these weird contortions on your face… can you speed it up a bit? How does it really work?

Keys to Not Drowning with Your Clients.

• Practice before you’re in the hot seat.

Think about a request someone made of you recently that had you forgetting your own needs. Let the experience of their asking you be real for you again- recall the strong emotions.

Now, take as much time as you need in the privacy of your own office, to go through the Sequence of Connection. How do you feel? Make space for that first. Then, take time in your heart to connect to the Divine with Remembrance or other practice.

Finally, in your mind, turn back to the person and their request. How does it all look? With practice, you can get this whole sequence down within the space of two or three breaths, especially with issues that are less “hot.”

• At first, or with big issues, it is going to take some time.

If the initial two or three breaths are stretching out towards twenty breaths of silence, you can ask for more time to decide.

No joke- out of every 100 emergency calls I responded to as a medic, 95 of them were not truly life-or-death. Meaning, if we hadn’t arrived until the next day, things would’ve been fine, medically speaking.

It’s okay to honor yourself, and take time to decide before responding.

• True emergencies will become obvious.

As you take more time, and use the Sequence of Connection more consistently in your responses, then you’ll become more practiced at discerning true emergencies, from situations that just have a lot of charged emotional content.

Over time, you’ll notice that emergencies don’t seem so urgent, and you’ll have a better track record of making a decision that truly honors all involved.

I’m begging you; please don’t put your clients first. Use the Sequence of Connection, and start giving yourself some more spaciousness in your business. And with that spaciousness, don’t be surprised if you see more opportunities to grow and expand.

It’s a given for your business: you want next year to be different than this year. And so all kinds of projects and tasks end up on your to-do list. Marketing, office structures, product/offer creation, client care, technology.

Very important, this doing of things. Without action, very little manifests, no matter how clear your intentions are.

And yet, will next year look different? What’s more, you may find yourself spinning your wheels some, lackluster, running the gerbil wheel.

What gives? Is it too much action?

Not exactly. It’s just that something’s missing.

You need a learning project.

Every business is either developing, or dying. Now, ‘developing’ doesn’t always mean ‘growth’- but it does mean changing, living, becoming a new version of itself. Otherwise stagnancy sets in, after which comes dying, and death.

Want to avoid that kind of stagnant business death? Then, add a learning focus to your strategic planning.

A learning focus is when you identify some aspect of your business that you’re really curious about, and with which you want to have a healthier, more robust, more functional relationship.

Some examples of past learning projects at Heart of Business.

• Money. I declared one year to be the year I was going to learn about money. And that was my focus. The Heart of Money Transformational Journey was the course that was born from that.

• Systems and structures. Another year, I declared to be the year of learning about systems and structures. How do systems really work, and how can they be implemented to support the business, without dehumanizing it?

• The current focus. Teamwork and leadership. I had always struggled with incorporating assistants or collaborators with Heart of Business, Inc. This past year I declared that I wanted to learn about healthy teamwork and leadership.

Before action comes learning.

Without first taking the time to learn, it’s really hard to know what will be effective action. Kinda obvious, I know, but it’s really easy to slide over this and just want to jump in with both feet.

I’m a big fan of just jumping in. And yet, when the stakes are high, or when you care about something a lot, even just starting a learning project before jumping can save you a lot of grief afterwards.

So, how do you select a learning project? And, more importantly, what do you -do- with a learning project? Well, let me share what I’ve learned with you.

Keys to Learning Projects

• Many from one.

One business. Many needs. What are all the things you are striving to do in the business? Make a list? What are all the areas in your business where you are struggling? Make a list.

Here are some ideas to spark your brainstorm: money, accounting, delegation, systems, marketing, sales, technology, writing, websites, blogging, dealing with upset customers, leading teleclasses, product creation, strategic planning, setting goals…

Any other areas of business you’re struggling with? Take a few minutes and jot them down onto the list.

• One from the many.

There may be a lot of things that your business needs, but just pick one. And make it your intention and focus over the course of the year to get comfortable and familiar with it. To learn about it.

• Now, learn!

With a learning project or focus, you don’t set outcome-based goals for yourself. There isn’t a big to-do list, or that many measurable results that you set. It’s about setting an intention and learning.

First, set the intention to have beginner’s mind, and to take the pressure of creating specific results off yourself.

Second, canvas your resources. Make a list of books to read, websites or blogs to connect with, people to interview or otherwise. Start with one book, and making a lunch or tea date with one person.

Third, once you’ve gained some familiarity with it, I would suggest even looking for a class to take, some place where you can be guided to integrate your self-learning.

Slow down on some of your to-do’s, and add a ‘to-learn’ project to your list for the year. And don’t be surprised if at the end of the year you’ve accomplished some very concrete outcomes, even without planning for them.

You’ll find that instead of recycling the same problem over and over again, the next will find you and your business in new territory in a very satisfying way.

Here’s what I did: I had a meeting planned with my wife and business partner, Holly, yesterday afternoon to do some strategic/admin thinking. And, I was too tired. So we didn’t work. Instead, she gave me a massage, I sat and read a novel and sipped tea for a while, and did absolutely nothing for several hours.

I can imagine few organizations that would trust their employees enough to allow organic, in-the-moment decisions about workflow. Here is one organization that does. (Hint, hint.)

The absolute-must-lesson for anyone. As Christine Northrup says, author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, “The most radical thing anyone in our culture can do, is to rest when they’re tired.”

As an entrepreneur, I’ve had to learn the hard way, through sickness, through exhaustion, through bad, expensive mistakes. But I’ve learned, to a great extent, to rest when I’m tired. I still work until I’m exhausted sometimes, as I did the last two days, which is what prompted this post, but I get back off the horse more quickly than I ever have.

Do you rest when you are tired, and do you work when you’re inspired?

WARNING: The benefits ONLY APPLY IF the higher price is coming from a place of truth and integrity in your heart.

Simply raising your prices will not automatically create these benefits.

The Big Authentic Benefit of raising your prices is that your customer gets more out of your product or service, simply by paying more. How can this be true?

Whatever you are selling is meant to help change or transform your customers in some way, to make their lives better. Whether you are selling oatmeal, accounting, or Reiki, the reason you are in business is that you want to see your customers/clients doing better, happier, healthier in some fashion.

Unfortunately, the truth is that you don’t have the power to change anyone. You already know this from experience. True change comes about when people commit to change, they take it on. It could be a commitment to eating oatmeal instead of pastries for breakfast. It could be a commitment to a healthy relationship with their finances and their accounting. Either way, it’s the customer’s commitment that is responsible for the amazing results you can create with them through your business.

Strange But True.

An acupuncturist client I worked with saw her clients get well more quickly, as a result of higher prices. One reason may have been that, in general, the clients more consistently followed through with what she told them to do between sessions, because, heck, “I’m paying enough for this, I probably should do what she tells me.”

This also functions on far more subtle levels. I happen to believe that when the Truth is present, miracles happen. Part of the Truth is you, in generosity, giving to your customers. Part of the Truth is admitting your mistakes, holding the highest standards you can, and keeping the customer’s best interests at heart.

Part of the Truth is also asking them to pay your True price, even if it’s higher than is presently comfortable for you.

The money a customer pays is, in part, a reflection of how present he or she is in the relationship.

If the price is too low, less of the customer is present, and less presence means less change for them. They get fewer results by paying less, because they are less committed. And, if you aren’t asking them to pay the True price, then less of you is present as well.

If you have the courage to face the Truth about your pricing, everyone becomes more present, and miracles can occur.

Including the miracle of your own profitability.

What are the signs that you aren’t facing the truth about your price?

Keys to Signs that You Need to Face the Truth and Raise Your Prices

• When you have overflow demand for your product or service.

Guess what? It’s time to raise your prices. Why it’s important: a business that busy is asking for creativity in terms of how its developing. Clearly you’ve struck a nerve in people, and there is more demand than you have capacity to give.

If you don’t raise your prices until you are down to 80% of your capacity (while making as much or more money), you won’t have the breathing space to develop the next level of your business, so you can figure out how to help all those people who are asking for what you are offering.

• When you find yourself exhausted and resentful, and you still don’t have enough money.

This isn’t the same as being overflowingly busy. Here, you may feel resentful and exhausted after working with just one client. You may feel bored with your business. You may feel that it’s just not worth it.

There can be any number of things going on here, but, surprisingly often, it just means your price is too low for you to feel nourished by the transaction with your client. It takes a real humility to care and give to your customers. It also takes a real humility to receive their generosity back. Be humble. Raise your prices. You’ll feel better.

• When people tell you that you don’t charge enough.

Be careful with this one: Often customers will tell you that you don’t charge enough, when what they really mean is: “This is a great value! I love your price!” If you feel good, and your business isn’t yet bursting at the seams, you probably have a perfect price.

However, if you are bursting at the seams, or you are tired and resentful, or, strangely enough no one is buying, your prices may be too low. In that case listen to the good advice, and raise them.

I think that it’s only now, days later, that I am starting to taste exactly what happened on the Gulf Coast from the hurricane Katrina. I spent all night, from dusk until dawn, Sunday in a Sufi prayer retreat that was focussed specifically on asking for help and mercy for the people affected by the storm. That evening, our traditional donations to the poor went mostly to help victims of Katrina.

When I launched Heart of Business, it was September, 2001. Yup, right after the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. And I was roundly, and rightly, chastised by my readers for sending out my launch email right after that disaster.

It was a bad mistake on my part. I know why I did it: partly inspiration, I had been excited about the launch for a few weeks, and partly out of fear, I didn’t have another job, and I wanted to jump into it.

I know many of you may be in a similar position – a big disaster hits, and so your sales slow down, but the bills don’t.

The gas company, or the phone company, doesn’t say, “Well, there’s been a big disaster, so we’ll give everyone a month’s reprieve.” Their employees need to be paid, also, you know.

If your business has done well, and gotten over the hump, you may have a few weeks, or months, of financial cushion that you can afford to donate money, and go volunteer. I believe that it’s really important to be selfless in these moments, and to give more than is comfortable, when so many are suffering so badly. We gave more than was comfortable ourselves.

But, you have a business to run, and bills to pay, and people to help. But, your heart is numb from the disaster and you don’t have the -oomph- to promote your business.

Many of you probably don’t know that I was a paramedic on an emergency ambulance for eight years, and I was also a trained member of the Critical Incident Debriefing Response Team for my county- the ones who came in to support the emergency workers who faced very traumatic situations, out of the realm of the “normal” emergencies. I have personally been the chief medical officer for multiple casualty incidents, and have been through the beginning stages of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder a few times myself.

One of the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is repeatedly seeing images from the incident in our minds.

Watching television of horrific events can help to create similar symptoms to post traumatic stress disorder in you. It’s my belief that most of the US, and anyone else who immersed themselves in watching news reports of this tragedy, is in the grip of PTSD to some degree.

Dealing with PTSD, and continuing to work your business requires a great deal of gentleness. It’s not heartless to work on your business- continuing your routine is actually helpful to the healing process. However, not acknowledging what’s going on can also increase your distress.

I assume that your networks have already flooded you with suggestions on how to donate and volunteer to help the victims of the disaster. If not, start with the American Red Cross.

What I want to give you are some practical steps on how to care for yourself and your business during times of disaster, when you are affected from a distance, and you aren’t in the middle of the swirl.

Steps to Business Disaster Relief

1. Be gentle with yourself.

This may include taking a nap and resting- strong emotions put a high stress on the body and are exhausting. Napping, taking a bath with epsom salts, giving yourself a slightly relaxed work schedule, can help a lot.

2. Keep up your routine.

The sheer overwhelm from an event like this can bring up helplessness and despair. Stopping everything, and sitting around watching television, or not being active, can increase your sense of despair and helplessness. Keeping your regular work routine helps to focus you and give you a sense of purpose so you can’t slip into paralyzing depression.

3. Exercise and water.

Vigorous aerobic exercise, or even just taking a quick-paced walk, can help clear toxins out of your blood that are released when you are under emotional stress. Drinking water and exercise will add greatly to your sense of well-being. Avoid excessive sugar or alcohol- these tend to excerbate feelings of isolation and despair, even in relatively small quantities.

4. Limit your television watching.

Keep yourself informed, by all means. But, once you notice that the reporters are repeating themselves, and you’ve seen the same video clip a couple of times, turn the television off. You can tune back in later in the day, or the next day. The fewer times you see images like floating dead bodies, the less stress you go through. Even just typing “floating dead bodies” brought up memories of past calls I ran as a paramedic, and I can feel the stress and sadness run through my body again.

5. Connect to your heart, connect with spirit.

Prayer, Remembrance, connection to spirit is critical in times like this. Be honest and sincere with your feelings- if you are angry or despairing, bring those to God, spirit, Higher Power. Be in an honest dialogue with Essence. And, don’t forget to listen with Remembrance to any answers that might come to you.

6. Wait before sending any commercial messages.

If you are writing promotional material, write it! But, read it a few extra times, and wait a little longer before sending it. Show it to a trusted friend or two to help make sure that your messages are coming from the heart, and you don’t say anything you might regret.

7. Connect with others.

Isolation increases despair. Connecting with friends and loved ones helps to remind us that we aren’t alone in this. And, volunteering to help can make a big difference- a heart in action is a heart inspired.

As a former paramedic, I’ve seen a lot of tragedy first-hand, and I’ve been inspired countless times by the incredible compassionate human response to pain and loss. As a current business owner, I am inspired by the power of the individual to affect change.

Bottom-line: donate, volunteer, help, keep running your business, be gentle, and care for yourself.