I’m thinking about this, because the wonderful Corrina Gordon-Barnes wrote in (by email, not in a comment ) with this question:

Amazing Mark… A question for you:

When I write a blog post that resonates, I receive a lot of direct feedback from people via email, Facebook messages, texts, Twitter, etc. I LOVE to hear about their experiences and to know their perspectives on the topic, AND what they write is often so good it should be shared. (Plus as you can imagine, replying to each person individually can be pretty time-consuming!)

My ideal would be that the blog itself becomes a buzzing forum for this kind of feedback and that there’d be a sense of community and solidarity where people gain insight from each other as well as from my replies.

I notice that you have a ton of comments online and I’m wondering what top tips you might have for inspiring people to comment directly on the blog itself…

Thanks and with eager anticipation,
Corrina Gordon-Barnes
www.youinspireme.co.uk/blog

Well, I’m honored to be asked. The truth is, I’m astounded at how some of my friends and admired colleagues have many, many more comments than we receive. Like Havi, Chris Garrett,  or Naomi Dunford for instance. Dozens and dozens of comments. Holy cow!

That said, I’m really touched by how many people do respond on the Heart of Business blog, and having gone from zero to what we have now, I do have a few things to say about it.

Comments Are On a Public Stage

So many people are absolutely thrilled and excited about the interconnectivity of social media. “It’s all about the conversation!” people gush. Well, yes, and…

How many conversations do you have while hundreds or thousands of people are listening in on your every word? Does the cold, creeping chill of stage fright shiver your spine at the thought? Don’t forget, public polls still report that people rank “speaking in public” as their number one fear.

It does help that writing online is one step removed from actually speaking on a stage. But not a lot. Unless your audience is made up of professional speakers or other people accustomed to presenting in public, then know people are shy.

It IS About Numbers

Whatever number of people read your blog, a certain percentage of them will want to comment. A certain small percentage. A certain tiny percentage. Get more numbers, and you’ll probably get more commentators.

People who tend to comment most are those:

• Who know me well from interactions in classes, are on our membership site [link: http://thebusinessoasis.com], Twitter pals, or other bloggers I’ve commented on or emailed.

• Who are comfortable speaking or showing up in public.

• Who are actively wanting to network with me (I’m not saying they aren’t being genuine–they are. And, they want to show up in my space. I love them for it.

• Who are, for reasons unknown, inspired to do so.

How many of these kinds of people hang around your blog?

The Four Things to Increase Comments

If you want more comments and community, then let me reiterate some things that top bloggers recommended over and over again.

1. Writing content that both attracts attention and creates intimacy. I really try to write how I talk. I try to open my heart and be vulnerable, as well as share my expertise. I’m not always as successful as I’d like. There is an approach that I use that helps.

2. Invite those closest to you, clients and colleagues, to your blog. Show up on their blogs. After you blog, send private emails (more emails!) or tweets to folks telling them you’d love to hear their insights.

3. Create a “culture of intimacy” on your blog. When someone emails you, invite them, if they feel comfortable, to repost their thought or question on the blog. Give them the link and instructions on how to do so right in the email. (Something I’ve only been moderately good at.)

As more people post questions on the blog, it will become more normal for others to do so.

4. Grow your readership to proportionally increase the numbers of people who like to comment.

You’ll Still (Hopefully) Get a Lot of Emails

It’s really tempting to prefer having conversations through comments and commenting simply because, in some cases, it’s easier. And having more comments definitely brings a sense of aliveness to your blog in a way that can really help.

However, don’t poo-poo those private emails. When someone reaches out to you through an email, instead of in public and on the stage in the comments of a blog, there is a chance for much deeper intimacy. There is a chance to really care and respond to that person.

And, in that connection, they just might feel safe enough to become a customer or client.

Being high touch with a business is time consuming for the business owner and feels amazing to the client. If you try to be too efficient, people can lose that feeling of being treated as special.

When someone feels special, truly seen, they are on their way to becoming a raving fan. And a raving fan is someone who will hire you and purchase from you, who will recommend you to others. Raving fans will, in general, include you in their trusted community, which is not only a great and humbling honor, but it also helps to expand the reach of your business.

While it’s possible to do that to some extent by receiving blog comments and replying to them, it does not contain the feeling of a private, one-on-one conversation. People have told me things in private emails that they would never post in a public space. And I’ve responded similarly.

I love people commenting on the blog. I’d love to see even more activity, with people meeting each other and learning from each other. And at Heart of Business, we cherish the private messages we receive by email and elsewhere.

I’m curious–if you have a blog that gets comments, what have you done to nurture that kind of online responsiveness?

You either already know this and are engaged with it and wondering “Huh? When is this going to benefit my business?” Or you’ve been avoiding it, overwhelmed by the thought of all that online flim-flam mushy-mush.

Actually, I’ve come to see a different side of things. I see the technology of the internet actually as a response to a deep need in the heart of humanity. No, the technology won’t save us, but if you understand the deeper yearning, it helps to navigate it.

For the understanding, you need a little history.

Meet Johannes Gensfleisch zur Laden zum Gutenberg Bí Sheng

You might think it odd to find yourself in Germany holding a bible. It’s even odder because it’s the year 1439 and you’re holding the first book ever printed using movable type. No longer will books need to be hand-copied, and we’ve started on the long-road to the million-copy bestseller.

When Herr Gutenberg invented popularized the printing press in Europe, broadcast media was born. For the first time in history, that I’m aware of, authors, rulers, and other influential people could put out a message to substantial numbers of people without actually needing to be there.

(Note: special thanks to Cairril Mills for updating my historical knowledge and setting the record straight. A Chinese engineer named Bí Sheng apparently invented movable type in the 1040s ad, and it spread to Korea and elsewhere, before Johannes Gutenberg popularized it in Europe.)

The following centuries saw more and more of this one-way communication, which culminated in the twentieth century with newspapers, moving pictures, radio, and television. During that time, we also saw the slow breakdown of the chords of connection–people playing musical instruments, dancing and singing, telling stories for each other, or just hanging out together. Instead, even when in groups, our attention was no longer on each other, but toward the big screen.

And around the globe, hundreds of millions of people still yearned to connect.

Enter the Internet and the Demise of Celebrity Phobia

The genius of the internet is that it takes the broadcast, one-way technology and puts it to use in two-way, person-to-person communications. The problem is, unless you came of age after 1999, the broadcast mentality is what you grew up with.

And the broadcast mentality includes “celebrity-phobia” where it seems scary or imposing to approach not just a stranger, but a famous stranger. After all, there is just one of them, and there are millions of us. They’re so big, how do I dare approach them?

Luckily, because of the shift back toward interactive communication this phobia is falling away,hich opens you up to the real juice behind social networking.

The Real Juice of Twitter, Facebook and Forums

The complaint I hear most often about online networking, aside from shear technological overwhelm, is that it feels so distancing, and that it’s not as nourishing as live human contact.

Well, yes. Exactly. It’s not supposed to be.

Please don’t think that something like Twitter is meant to replace human contact. It’s only supposed to open the door to real, live human contact.

Let’s say you “meet” someone on Twitter, and you pass comments back and forth. They read an article of yours, you read their blog, and you both find you have a mutual liking. If you let it stop there, as many people do, then great, you’ve made a virtual friend of sorts.

However, if you take the next step and maybe pick up the phone and talk to them? Real, live human contact. From there, real friendships and business relationships can arise that you would never find staying only online.

The same thing happens with in-person networking. You meet someone at a meeting, or a party, or wherever, and you talk to them for ten minutes and exchange cards. If you don’t follow up and have a more in-depth conversation with the people that you connect with, you miss the juice of building a network of caring relationships.

Keys to Online Juice

• Stay True to An Authentic Intention

Don’t get caught up just trying to “get people,” which is a risk with offline networking, too. Instead, find your authentic intention for wanting to connect.

Are you wanting to celebrate a success? Moan about a problem? Curious about something? Get help with something? Share your heart, as you might with a roomful of people you like, but may not know that well yet.

• Be Generous

Share resources not just from your business, but from other people. If you come across an article, video, or link that you liked, put it out there for people to share in. Even if it’s from someone in your field.

Drop the competition thing and be generous. The generosity is not only good karmically, it also works on a practical level as people may come to know you as a good go-to resource, which means people are listening to what you say. And that comes because you are listening to what others are saying.

• Look for people you like, and reach out to them.

If someone is making comments you like, respond to them. Be playful, or solemn, or profound, or witty, or whatever–but respond. For instance, on Twitter, I don’t follow everyone who follows me. But I do follow people who respond to me.

As you have a few exchanges with someone, it may come time to actually reach out, with a personal email, or a phone call. And you know what, sometimes you’re in the same city–it happens, believe me–and you can actually meet up for tea. Crazy, but true.

If we were all to retreat to having only online interactions, the world would be in very poor health indeed. However, if you take the connections you make through online networking and deepen some of them into real relationships, you can end up nourishing both your business and your own heart.

And by the way, if you’re on Twitter, I invite you to follow me and reach out:
http://www.twitter.com/MarkHeartofBiz

p.s. Tuesday is the Sacred Moment Homestudy Deadline.

You can be a friend to people and share the vulnerability of your journey, and people tend to like this, it helps to create connections.

And yet, if you’re the expert, your readers might actually believe they can get the help that you offer and be willing to hire you. Which would be nice, seeing as how you’re running a business and all.

The obvious answer is to do both, and you can stop reading right here if you like, because you’ve got the punch line already. Yet if you’ll stick with me, I’d like to explore it a little more deeply.

The Divine Quality of Lordship

Whoa, talk about Old Testament. Please forgive the English translation, but in Sufism the Divine Quality “Ar-Rabb” is often translated as “Lordship.” The Qur’an talks about it like this: “The One sees a black ant on a black rock at midnight, and knows what it needs, and gives it what it needs.”

Your readers and clients need help! Maybe not every single one of them every single time you write. But the reason you’re in business, and a big part of the reason they want to read you, is because you have help you can offer them for some problem they are facing.

Tell them how best to support their immune system during flu season, or how to get a return call from a cold-call voicemail, or how to manage that awkward, difficult employee or how to talk to their spouse about household chores without creating an argument.

Whew! Thank goodness you helped them. Only, did you just get too big for your britches? Or for theirs? (Get outta their britches!)

The Heart Likes to Be Small

I don’t mean your heart likes to limit love, but the spiritual heart that yearns to be in service is essentially humble, and doesn’t like to grandstand. This may be part of the legitimate reason you resist being an expert. It’s okay to nourish that humility, but not by risking the welfare of your readers.

On the scene of an accident where someone is lying in the road, you’ll find the paramedic crouching, knees bent, close to the ground, holding out a helping hand. But they’re still on the balls of his or her feet, still in the center of his or her gravity.

Unfortunately, many people do just the opposite with their vulnerability, they collapse. Collapsing is when you let go of that sense of core strength and wisdom that is the wellspring of your expertise. Instead of reaching out a helping hand, you lie down next to the accident victim.

Are the only choices “expert” or “collapse”? Or can you find the sweet spot in the middle?

Keys to the Vulnerable Expert

• Don’t Use Expertise To Keep Your Distance.

When someone is hurting, it’s easy to go into “expert” mode to try to fix them, because *you* are uncomfortable with their struggle. It’s never fun to watch a client struggle to get a business going when their home is at risk of foreclosure, or to struggle with illness when their life is on the line.

If you can find a place in your heart that is okay with their struggle, that knows just like the struggles you’ve faced in your life, they will access resources allowing them to see their way through, even if their house does go into foreclosure. It’s hard for us to guess where the blessings are, because they don’t always look like blessings.

When you find that acceptance in your heart for their situation, then you won’t be using your expert status to create distance from their pain. And they will trust you more.

• Don’t Tell Your Struggles In an Effort To Create Intimacy

When someone is hurting, there’s a tendency to tell your own similar story to create closeness with them.

“You know, I’ve struggled with being an expert, too. One time I got on my high horse and talked at people in the audience for an hour straight, and at the end they all walked out. No one even asked for my business card or anything.”

When the client’s pain triggers your own pain, you may be tempted to tell a story to unconsciously ask for witnessing, love or support. Your poor client, who is already overwhelmed and hurting, hasn’t received any true empathy and will probably glaze over and go away.

Instead, tell stories that you have some sense of completion about, so you can give them as examples in learning. And even then, use some empathetic statements in your writing prior to the story.

• Always Ask “How Does This Help?”

While writing, after you’ve given some bit of advice, or shared a story or vulnerability of your own, take a moment to re-read it. Ask in your heart: “How does this help the reader? Is there any way in which I’m trying to take instead of give through this writing?”

Notice your heart’s response. If you’re needing something–approval, understanding, acceptance–see if you can access that through your own heart. Once you do, notice if you have an urge to change what you wrote.

The story I told above about being an expert? What if it went like this: “I got on my high horse and talked to people for an hour straight. At the end, everyone left without asking for my card–and who could blame them? Since then, I’ve always taken care to empathize and connect with my audience in addition to giving my expertise, and it always pays off with valuable connections.”

Don’t abandon your expert status–your clients need it! And be willing to be vulnerable in a way that serves the reader and doesn’t take from them. Your heart will guide you, and your readers will follow your heart.

However, if you’ve noticed, it’s not strictly authenticity that works. In fact, lots of people can be themselves, and, well… uh… where IS everyone?

The missing skill is… drum roll please…

The Fine Art of Schmoozing

Schmoozing is different than strictly being authentic. Of course, schmoozing without authenticity is a bit painful. You could say authenticity is necessary but not sufficient.

What is schmoozing? Schmoozing, a Yiddishism if there ever was one, is the grease between the cogs, that little bit of social awareness that helps interactions go better.

Authenticity makes the grease more pure. Without authenticity, schmoozing is like using five-week old deep-fryer oil. Gross.

But without schmoozing, without that awareness of social interaction, things can just kinda … creak to a halt.

So, let’s talk about the ancient art of schmoozing.

There are a few time-honored traditions that the best schmoozers know how to do. The first:

1. Start conversations.

A schmoozer is willing to set the conversational topic, at least at first. And, the schmoozer is unattached to the topic- they know it’s just potentially a throw-away topic.

What you had for breakfast, the weather, any old thing can be a jumping-off point.

Example: I started a twitter conversation about my breakfast. Could be boring, could be a throw-away topic. But ended up not.

2. Make it entertaining.

A schmoozer is part stand-up comic. Well, it doesn’t always have to be “comic.” It can be “philosopher” or “dramatist.” It’s the stand-up part that’s important.

You have to develop an ear for what might be entertaining. My breakfast was entertaining because I wasn’t feeling well, so I was eating raw garlic, onions and goat yogurt. With a dash of cayenne. Exciting!

3. Treat the other person like they are royalty.

Asking opinions, giving them attention, sharing what impact their words have on you. Someone suggested avocado instead of goat yogurt over the garlic, as a way to avoid dairy, and I gushed on them with appreciation. Or something like that.

There’s a certain quality that is so healing to the heart when someone really gives you their attention, and cares about your presence. If you can give this in the social media arena, it makes a world of difference.

Greasy and Good.

You can see how this could be really, really oily without authenticity. But, perhaps you can also see how authenticity just doesn’t do the trick on its own. Because there’s a difference between:

“I’m not feeling well. I’m going to eat a remedy of raw garlic and goat yogurt. Hope I feel better.”

Versus the three tweets I did send out in succession:

“Time for breakfast! Raw onion and goat yogurt. I hope that doesn’t disturb you. It’s only because we’re out of raw garlic.”

“Oh! Thank goodness! We DO have raw garlic! Breakfast complete. Side note: I’m accepting visitors today. ”

“Okay folks, you know that scene in Alien? You know the scene. Well, my breakfast is working.”

I won’t say it’s God’s gift to twitter, but it is a little more entertaining than the first. The sense of fun, the fact that I’m talking to people, starting the conversation, and that I’m implicitly inviting people to make fun of me and/or respond in some way means that we had a lively conversation.

That lively conversation is part of schmoozing. There are other ways to schmooze, this is just one small example. But, the end results included a whole double-handful of twitter-follows, and some people who hadn’t yet made contact with me felt safe enough to reach out and let me know what they were thinking.

Do you schmooze?

Hey, I’m curious. What other factors do you think are involved with schmoozing in the social media scene?