Your header about being the “business’s touchstone and compass” really hit home in a way I can’t quite put into words, but I’ll be pondering it for the rest of the day. Being both, I think, is the challenge as the business owner, being the constant and also the sense of direction–for most people I know one comes more easily than the other, but both are so crucial.

Anyway, just wanted to say thank you!

Jessica

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But this post reminded me that there’s more to it than that. Beyond getting to know this new person you’ve brought into your business and familiarizing him or her with your work, there is adapting to a new role. How you see that role and how well you make that shift can have as much or more influence on your ability to show up in ways that are effective as your actual communication skills.

Great insights Kate!

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You’ve done it again! You have a masterful way of relating your experiences – especially the meanderings of your mind before (out of somewhere) you were able to put words on what was true for you to clue Mark in.

I especially liked how you were able to acknowledge that Mark is not a mindreader. Mark, I applaud you for being able to show up so fully in the middle of everything that is going on with you and your family. That was a priceless description of what makes HOB unique in my mind.

The other thing I really liked about this article was how Kate stressed that you don’t need to solve it or even describe things that you don’t yet have words for – just by putting something out there that needs attention, you’re showing up and making it possible for someone else to have a clue of what’s going on.

Then, together you can make a path through the issue.

Kate, you made a pathway so that Mark could see there was an issue in the first place – these issues don’t get solved on their own.

Then, the two of you worked it through – such an awesome example of how your team works together for everyone’s well being.

Happy Healthy New Year to each of you!

A few thoughts on the article I just read. I wish we knew each other and had enough of a relationship to discuss my feedback. In spite of that, I will give it my best shot.

Reading through the article I noticed a lot of “need” language and “want” language. Both of these words are highly inflammatory. Whether used in our internal dialogue or public dialogue such language will produce an out of control environment and an out of control life. There is alternative language that is more productive, calming and effective.

First, the language of need is a flight or fight word. It’s origins have to do with life or death situations. For example, “you need to get out of the way of the train.” The fact is, if you don’t get out of the way of the train you will die. Also, in environments of war we are frequently faced with life and death situations. There is a lot that needs to be done in war or we will die.

Unfortunately the language of need has spilled over into our daily life and especially the business, sales and marketing environment. The language of need encourages out of control behavior. Of course, often in a sales environment there is a desire to encourage people not to think for themselves and let the sales person do the thinking for them. Thus a lot of inflammatory, need and wanting language. But it is not sustainable.

The word “want” is also highly inflammatory and as such will encourage an out of control environment. It’s origins have to do with the name of a wild and frenzied hunt. It was called a want. When people went on a want there was no direction. It was wild and frenzied. People who want never have enough. It language that encourages a lot of consumption. Think about it. Pay attention to people who’s language environment is filled with wanting. They never have enough, are never satisfied and generally lack direction in life.

Both need language and want language are not sustainable. In the story above the reality is that no one was going to die.

There are alternatives that produce calmness, productivity and effectiveness. And it’s important that the alternatives begin with our internal dialogue.

Rather than talk of needs: Dialogue about preferences, objectives or ask questions based on what’s best for all concerned. I like to remind myself that
1. “there is no danger just discomfort,
2. I will not limit discomforts. Average people are always discomforted in these situations. My discomforts will not stop me from being a difference maker!”
3. I is the difference I make that matters most to me, not the difference this event makes to me. I will make the sustainable differences I can, not the differences I want.”

Often we fall into need language because we don’t think we can bare what ever the experience is. So yes, acknowledge our discomfort. And remind our self that any other average human being would also be uncomfortable in a similar situation. Your story above is one that I think most anyone would find highly uncomfortable. However, we are not going to die from these particular circumstances. And one of the issues is that we are creating intentions from language that is telling our body that we are going to die.

Let go of wants: We can not always get what we want, but we can always make a difference. No matter how bad the circumstances we can always make a difference. The difference we can make might be as small as taking a moment to listen. However, every small difference we make is more productive than having wants drive our life. Victor Frankel’s experience in WWII is a good example of making a difference in the most extreme circumstances. No one can take away our power to make a difference.

I also remind myself that
4. “there is no right-wrong or fear-anger, just correct-incorrect, helpful and non-helpful, kind and unkind, and issues and strategy.
5. I will be Group-minded not Self-minded”

In other words, when will lapse into danger language we often resort of thinking of only ourselves. We are trying to survive.

Remember, we are not truly on the battle field. The language of being group minded and asking life what’s best will open our life to intuitive/spiritual ideas that will move our life and projects forward in a more productive, meaningful and effective manner.

Of course, this all takes practice and skill building.

Anyway, this is my two-cents worth. Not sure it will be helpful as there is a lot of background information that I am not providing. The thought just came to me after reading your experience to share.

By the way, personally, if I had everything going on that you have going on I would find it highly uncomfortable at times.

With appreciation,
Chuck

PS. Hope we have the opportunity to meet someday. I appreciate your spiritual approach to business and read most all of your ezine articles.

Chuck Craytor´s last blog post..Appreciating Music