Every so often some brave soul emails me a request like one I received recently. “I don’t know you. I love your work and respect what you’re doing. I finally drummed up the nerve to reach out because I’m really stuck! Can you help promote my event/product to your readers?” (I paraphrased.)
First off, I want to honor anyone who does this. The email I sent back thanked her deeply for finding the courage to ask for help, to reach out beyond what was comfortable, and let me know that she needed help.
It’s an admirable quality, and the ability and willingness to ask for help will take you far. I might go so far as to say it’s the number one success indicator in my book.
However, at the same time I thanked her, I also had to say no. What I want to teach you today is how to get a “yes.”
Why I Said No
There were several reasons I turned down her request. One reason was that her event was a health and wellness event–completely unrelated to what we’re doing here at Heart of Business. Okay, you could stretch and say it’s not completely unrelated, but really, if you’re subscribed to the ezine, it’s because you’re interested in heart-centered business, and to send other offers to you is not honoring your request.
I also turned her down because I just didn’t know her. If I recommend someone, it means that I’m staking my reputation on the quality and integrity of what they do. I’m sure she is an honest, sincere person who is good at what she does. But without knowing her, I can’t in integrity recommend her to you my dear reader.
A third reason I said no was probably one of the biggest reasons. It’s also the reason I said no to a really good friend and someone I would (and have) recommended to you. And the reason is this: timing. We were in the middle of the Heart of Money registration period, and it would be confusing and out of integrity to throw another offer into the mix, especially one totally unrelated to money.
I’m sure that person thought of all of those reasons, which was probably part of the discomfort. And she was really polite in asking. Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the facts.
How to Get A Yes
The term used for these kinds of promotions, where someone will promote your offer to their community, is “strategic alliance.” To create a solid strategic alliance you need to honor all three of those criteria above.
Namely, your offer needs to make sense in the context of their topic and audience, the person needs to know you well enough to trust their reputation with you. And it needs to fit into their schedule.
The first criteria is not something you can change, either your offer fits or it doesn’t. But the other two, timing and trust, can be met fairly simply. It takes a little work on your part, but you can do it.
Research and Time
First I would recommend thoroughly researching anyone you want to reach out to. Read their website closely. Maybe buy one of their products. At any rate be very familiar with who they are and what they do.
You may notice they never promote anyone else, which makes them an unlikely candidate. Or you may notice that when they do promote someone, they often do it in a similar way: a free call, or a guest blog post, or just a simple recommendation.
You also can become aware of their schedule. Do they have any big events coming up?Also, do they have a preferred way to be contacted. Some people have a page explaining who they promote and why. Some people don’t.
Finally, get to know that person before you ask. Build up a relationship over time. Show up on their blog in the comments. Send them an email telling them how much you liked their articles. Buy one of their products if it’s appropriate for you. Also, if it’s appropriate, help get the word out about what they are doing in your own circles.
Do they hang out on Facebook or Twitter? Engage with them there.
Be strategic. Take your time.
And Start Small
The more influential someone is, the larger an audience they have, the more that’s at stake. A single bad recommendation can really hurt all that someone has built over years.
This means that if you don’t have a track record of the quality you provide, you’re new or it’s otherwise a first time, don’t reach for the moon.
Rather, I should say don’t only reach for the moon. Spend a lot of your time connecting with more accessible folks, people with smaller audiences who are still influential but are much more approachable and willing to try something new.
Then, sure, shoot for the moon. Reach out to that best-selling author. Just be aware that it may be harder to get their attention and their commitment to promote you until you have a track record.
Meanwhile, you can be creating that track record, and influential relationships with dozens of people who are more accessible.
Uh… Strategic Friend Building? Isn’t That Gross?
It sure can be. If you do it in a cold, calculating way, with no sincerity or honesty about it.
However, if you are a sincere, open-hearted person it’s actually more open-hearted to do it this way.
Realize that if you have a significant offer to make, an event, a course, a product, then you are going to need help getting the word out. Don’t wait until the last minute to ask for help, because I can guarantee that very little help will come your way.
If you can start six to twelve months in advance cultivating honest, sincere, open-hearted friendships with people, and then give them advance warning that in two or three months you could use some help getting the word out about your event, I’m going to guess you’ll see more people willing to help.
And, if you know them, guess what? It’s not so uncomfortable to ask.
p.s. Would you love to feel really good in how you go about getting clients and making money?
Our program, Clients and Money, is where we teach you heart-centered marketing and sales so that you can be completely in integrity about getting clients and making money. Many of our participants make money during the program, because there is real-life coaching and support, so you implement as well as learn. That means more clients, and more money.
Heart-centered, spiritual, practical, nitty-gritty. Click here to read and then either ask questions or join us if it fits: F1: Clients and Money.
Not sure what you’re needing? Then take our free Readiness Assessment, and get a personal reply from us: The Free Readiness Assessment.
66 Responses
Hi Mark,
this is an incredibly timely article for me. I am just branching out into the world of strategic alliances…and was wondering how to best approach this aspect of collaboration. I appreciate you reminding me of the importance of ensuring that integrity is honored and maintained when both asking and responding to requests.
I’d also like to say ‘hello’ in this response…I was a participant at this years Sacred Moment Seminar…I loved it.
Thank you
Fiona
Fiona- so glad my timing and yours clicked so well. 🙂 And hello! So glad you were there, it was great to meet you.
Great points, Mark, and helpful tactics to create a strategic alliance that really benefits all parties involved, without the result feeling a bit slimy, or more “strategery” in nature. This feels to me like it comes from a place of abundance.
[And very glad to hear Sam is okay!]
Sherrill- Thank you, Sam is doing much, much better. 🙂 And yes, it’s so much easier to do this when you aren’t caught up with trying to ‘get’ from people.
Mark,
I’ve been reading your newsletters for a number of years now and there is always at least one golden nugget (often several) that feels as if it is there just for me. I guess that is the crux of the heart-centred approach, and as you describe above, working in that way helps us remain in integrity with ourselves, our work, and everyone we do business with.
Thank you
Mary
Mary- So wonderful to hear that I’ve been able to meet you with what you need so consistently for so long. That feels great.
Thank you for this article. I felt a lot of warmth in my heart as I read it. 🙂
Rachel- heart-warmth is a good thing. Me, too.
Hi Mark
I love this article, but I also wanted to say thanks for the ‘Notes from the Heart’ section in today’s email (apologies if this isn’t the right place to comment on that!)
“Whatever you can do for others, whether it’s branding, healing, or something else, there’s a reason you can’t do it for yourself. The biggest part of what you do is holding a space for someone and give an outside perspective and reflection.”
Wow. Now I can cut myself some slack and block out the nagging voices (from others and my own gremlins!) saying ‘you should be better at xxx, you’re a life coach for goodness sake’.
Phew! I feel better already! Thanks again x
Claire- this is a perfect place to comment on that. And folks, if you don’t what she’s talking about, email subscribers get a special “notes from the heart” section that isn’t on the blog, where I share personal reflections, stories and insights.
Claire, you had me laughing out loud as I am a life coach too, and I had almost that conversation yesterday in a session with my own coach (I said “I know all this stuff.”) She pointed out to me some quotes I had included in my own May newsletter!
And then opening Mark’s this morning and reading that piece has really helped me ask for and accept that gift of someone holding a space for me.
Thank you Mark, and Claire, for both of you helping me laugh at myself and know that I am not alone!
🙂 Anything that can bring out some laughter, in a compassionate way, is a good thing, eh?
Hi Mark,
as always, there is so much to like about your article this week! What I particularly liked, though, was your emphasis on sincerity and honesty when creating strategic alliances, and the reminder about doing the research and building a relationship of trust.
I think in the past I’ve been guilty of asking for help from people on the basis of little or no relationship. Thinking about it now, it makes no sense. I wouldn’t ask or expect someone I barely know to babysit my son – I care about my son too much, and I don’t want to freak out my acquaintance by asking more than they can give.
But that’s what I’ve done with my business. I’ve asked other people who don’t really know me or what I do to take care of my business, and in the process risk the trust relationship they have built up in their own business. Looking at it now, it just isn’t logical!
Friendship and romantic relationships take time and trust, and sustained and consistent two-way communication. There’s no reason why business relationships should be any different. That’s what I’ve learned today.
Thank you. 🙂
Jennifer
Jennifer- Yes! Exactly! I’ve been guilty of the reverse- hiding out and not asking, long after it was okay, out of fear of what you’ve just described. We’re all walking this path with such tenderness, aren’t we?
Hello Mark,
You, once again, were spot on, about 1) giving yourself a break and the strength that comes from asking for help and 2) artfully, compassionately and honestly addressing the fundamentals of cultivating strategic alliances. Each requires humility and the wherewithal to consider what you bring to the table, what is missing, who might be the best person to help fill that gap and what it will take to invite that person to the table.
Investing the time and personal resources to cultivate building blocks for successful healthy relationships is crucial in all aspects of our lives. Mutual respect, wherein everyone will be considered and honored, is a cornerstone of any good relationship. Without it we cannot honestly and fully recommend an other person or their work. That sense is built over time and experience where, dependability is demonstrated, trust and honesty present, loyalty cultivated, similar values embraced, communication clear and a genuine sense of fondness is present. When all of these come together, and someone recommends you or your work, then you can have a strategic alliance like no other. Provided this all remains intact overtime, that means of course we must continue to nurture our relationships, in all the domains of our lives.
Well, enough said from me now (does it show that I just gave several presentations on this and am in the process of doing some writing about it as well? ). I will look forward to your next newsletter.
All my best,
Deirdre
PS: I have been happy to forward your newsletters to several colleagues and clients, all of whom have benefited from your work.
Deirdre – so glad you are presenting on this- and yes, you are particularly clear about it. 🙂 And thank you for forwarding our newsletters on- that feels great to read.
Excellent post, Mark. I especially like the line ‘Take your time.’
One of the people that I respect the most in the ‘blog world’ has been very gracious with helping me out from time to time, but it didn’t happen overnight. I’ve found that through the process of getting to know this person better, I learn so much about what makes content worthy of sharing and promoting to others. It’s also given me some great inspiration for my own writing.
I rarely directly ask for help promoting my work. Ironically, today is a day that I’m asking for some help, and thanks to the foundations that have been laid, I have a good change of receiving that help.
Thanks again, and see you in PDX in a month! 🙂
Brandon- Isn’t it wonderful to get folk from someone like that? It just feels great- I’ve had such wonderful people mentor me along the way. See you soon!
What a terrific, timely, wonderfully thought-out article. Everything about it resonated with me (and I passed it on to others). As an entrepreneur I am all about alliances and partnerships and am working on a number of them at present with people I deeply respect and honor. I have wanted to work with two individuals for years. We all spoke at the same conference in March and they both came to me with ideas of how we can join forces! Timing and context are key, just as you said. Keep up the great work, Mark!
Lin- So glad it landed! And thanks for sharing. And how inspiring to hear how your people connected…
Hi Mark –
Great post. In this day it’s too easy to press send without being grounded in a larger context. I like how you slow the process of strategic friending way down.
Will you write on turning competition into collaboration?
Hi Cate- Competition? What competition?
Thanks Mark – great and useful article.
But really I also wanted to say an even bigger thank you for the Notes at the beginning of your email – I know it so well, this idea that I want someone to do for me what I do for others!
Having your own business is like living in a glade in the middle of the wood, and it can be difficult finding the path out of the wood to see that you are in a wood at all! Hence when someone leads you down a path, or takes you by the hand to show you where you are, it is just so helpful.
So yes, a great big thank you yet again for being you!
Jane
Hi Jane- You’re welcome. And glad you liked the notes. Woo-hoo! it’s all done with mirrors. 😉
I’m in the process of laying the foundation for a hare-brained business idea that could totally be my happy-maker, and I’ve been wanting to reach out to those I respect in the same field. Thank you for writing this article at just the right time for me – now maybe I won’t embarrass myself. :3
Ellie- So glad to have caught you before you made a miss-step… 🙂 And even if you did, they are reparable. Have fun!
Spot on. If I want to promote my business/event/etc. and need help, I’d obviously go for someone I know and who knows me. So to be in that position, I’ve got to start making myself visible and gain credibility slowly but surely.
Karoline- glad you liked it!
Mark,
This was an excellent article. I’ve received emails asking for a link exchanges, or to promote products from people I’ve never heard of and have turned them down for the same reasons. I put in perspective by thinking of who I might contact if I needed help with something. More than likely it would be the people I felt I knew and had a relationship with.
Angela- Thanks! So appreciate your kind words and thoughts. It’s so true, isn’t it?
“It sure can be. If you do it in a cold, calculating way, with no sincerity or honesty about it.
However, if you are a sincere, open-hearted person it
Mallory- nice. Glad you are sticking to what’s true for you. The open-hearted people are, in the long run, more popular and influential- but you knew that… 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Mark
I just stumbled across your blog from Etsy. It’s the first business blog I’ve ever found that even mentions the heart. I love it – great job. I’ll definitely be subscribing. Thanks for breathing some fresh air into business advice.
🙂
Anthea (aka the chai girl)
Anthea the Chai Girl :)- welcome! So glad to hear that it resonated for you. Let me know if you have any questions. We’re here. 🙂
thanks – this is my new favourite site 🙂
Hi Mark,
I too came across your blog via Etsy. Thank you so much! It all makes such perfect sense.
I feel I have been wandering around for a while, enjoying the scenery and saying hi to folks (which is nice, to be sure), but now it’s time to take that step forward.
Hi Julie- woo-hoo! Glad you’re feeling the oomph to take that step forward. Welcome!
Good sound advice.
awesome article! am a self representing artist and find it intriguing that you talk about marketing and heart in the same realm. since art is made with our hearts i am absolutely going to read more of your articles
So true! Heart is what makes everything in this world, including business- it’s just so easy to forget it. Thanks for your kind words and welcome!
This is such a cool concept. in our heart centred world of creating things it’s not always conducive to making a living, it really has to feel natural or the authentic feeling is lost very easily. I think customers can smell desperation and your branding can be lost. I’m in the process of personal branding and working outwards from there….. discovering strategic alliances and friendships are coming to me because of the work I’ve done on myself. Thanks for this valuable info.
Carrie- sounds like you’re on the right track! Woo-hoo!
Great post Mark…and very serendipitous. There’s been someone I’ve been meaning to approach for a ‘hand up’ for over a year now with the intention of developing a business relationship that would be mutually beneficial. This person is very successful, someone I could learn a great deal from, and I have to admit I am a little intimidated. Their arts company is on my vision board. I have some mutual ‘friends’ on Facebook.
I came very close to giving my pitch this week but my my instinct told me ‘not yet’.
In fact, I was going to open with this quote from Loa Tzu:
“In action, watch the timing.”
Simple, but extremely important. And yes, it is calculated in the way a ball player times his swing at bat. If you are a genuinely warm and sincere person, this ought to shine through the business end of things. As for motives, I think we all would like the degree of success that will take us beyond constant struggle.
Nothing ventured…nothing gained…nothing to lose.
Take Care,
Kevin
What a great story, Kevin- thanks for sharing it. There’s a lot of external push-push-push to jump into action- glad you are listening more deeply.
Hi-thank you for this article…I needed some reassuring as I’m working with all the ins/outs of social media and developing meaningful connections and eventually partners. Thank you again!
You’re welcome!
Hi Mark,Thanks for such a great post.Great advice for marketing.
Thank you so much for a great article. You made me re-think things. Life is difficult so it’s always good to read about ideas and experiences. Aloha!
Now that I take the time to read all of Etsy’s posts I find the BEST advise. Recently I have made some of the mistakes you mentioned. But also I have had GREAT successes too. I appreciate the Blogs that have featured me. I had sales of about $400 both times.
Thank You so much for your insight,
Ruth
Everyday Napkins
As a spiritual healer who now creates art for meditation and healing, I am challenged every day by how to get the joy and energy of my art across. thanks for the thoughtful guidance! This really helps with encouragement.
Thank you for sharing this very valuable information. It’s given me a lot to think about but in a way that doesn’t make my brain hurt.
Well said Mark, I love the way you looked at this subject from both sides because it can be just as hard to say “thanks but no” as it is send the request in the first place. As with so many things, when we understand what’s going on in the other person’s world, we have a much better chance of accomplishing our objective.
I’ve had to say thanks but no more often recently for all the reasons you mentioned. It always leaves me feeling a little bad because my nature is to help when I can. I am sure you can relate. Anyway, I really enjoyed your perspective and sense of balance. Thanks!
Thanks, Jonathan- I so appreciate the empathy. It is SO hard to say “no.” And I want to encourage people to keep asking… and to have a better chance of getting a “yes.”
You’ve made this topic really clear – both for knowing how I can approach possible strategic alliance parters myself, and also for knowing whether to respond to a request of me with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
I have on my wall a quote from Claudia Schiffer which says: “Your career can be defined by what you say no to. You must be strategic”. I’ve become clear recently that saying “YES!” to life does not equal saying ‘yes’ to every request – in fact, the opposite is truer.
I’ll use your checklist of three criteria – thank you.
With love, as ever,
Corrina
p.s. SO cool to see how many comments you’re getting these days!! What a fab community.
So glad it helped, Corrina! I’ve had to make up a few different lists of criteria for myself, when evaluating difference decisions. They help me not get so stuck in decisions that really shouldn’t hang out for very long. Oh, that reminds me, I have another criteria list to draw up…
Thank you so much for this info. My web business is fairly new and I can use any help possible in learning to get the word out.
Glad you find it helpful!
Hi, this is a really interesting post and I liked the part where you advised about starting small. I believe this is true for people who have just started a new business, they cannot shoot for the moon right from the start, the ideal things is indeed to liaise with people who are within their reach and who are more likely to promote their products-in short, build up your track record first with the small fish and then target the sharks or the whales 😉
Hi Mark,
Thanks for sharing with us. You are right to say that it only takes one email to dent your reputation on-line.
One need to be careful when promoting other people’s product and the more the product is relevant and compliments what you are offering, the better
Steve
Hey Mark,
Nice post.I fully agree with you that we should completely research the person from whom we are thinking of taking help.Well I also feel negotiating skills are a must to get a yes.
Your words make me feel confident about the healing and pain relief i give ( and take) daily as a gift.
I Enjoy recycling on the site we call ‘Malvern freecycle’ here. its giving and recieving what ever is in need or excess. it also builds relationships and develops business and community alike.
Hi, I found this post really helpful. As someone just starting a web business i have found it really hard to ask for help. I always convince myself people wont help me before i ask. I need to eat up my pride and start trying to allign myself with people who can help me reach my goals.
Thank you very much, this post has made me realise one of my flaws.
Hello,
This article is a great lesson of marketing and bussiness. I think it is very important to think as clear as possible and to know how to obtain strategy allies and business partners. Thank you very much for sharing this great lesson!
Best regards,
George
i did not find this article helpful at all all too general and too common sense!!
Why would anyone say “yes” instantly anyway? You must at least be in some way acquainted or “friends’ in business or real honest to goodness friends to be able to say”yes” to any favor/favors before committing yourself to ‘help’ others.
And, yes you are right that sometimes we even have to turn down people dear to us if the favor is a little to complex to handle.
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