People can find the answers within themselves- but only if they know the options and the potential consequences of those options. I want to support you in never trying to over-ride a client’s own wisdom and guidance. But, they should make informed choices, too.

Your clients just don’t know what you know. And internal wisdom and guidance can sometimes be way off in the absence of knowledge. If client doesn’t know that it could take three months to work on something, they could feel frustrated or bad about themselves if it doesn’t resolve in two weeks

Giving them your opinion and perspective is a bit of mercy for them. Don’t with hold that mercy.

If you’re still feeling resistance and/or collapse around it, I would recommend getting some help in looking at what you are reacting to in it. I’m thinking there is a place of strength and sovereignty within you that could use some love and support.

Does what I’m writing resonate with you?

I am a bit late in reading this but would like to ask question. Thanks, first of all, it’s really helpful.

I can truly say I’ve had exactly the result you describe after saying, ‘It’s up to you,” after my 2nd session with a client. And yet I still have a bit of stomach resistance to the alternatives given to saying “It’s up to you.”

I guess my brand or niche that I’m working to refine and clarify has in part to do with people finding their own solutions and answers within themselves. I really like to do decision making and exploring jointly. I see your point totally and yet I’m lost in there somewhere. Am I making sense?

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The Toddler’s Creed

The “Toddler’s Creed” appeared in the syndicated weekly newspaper article “Families Today” by T. Berry Brazelton. It is a nice reminder of the stresses we feel with normal behavior of toddlers. Enjoy.

If I want it, it’s mine.
If I give it to you and change my mind later, it’s mine.
If I can take it away from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
If it’s mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
– Dr. T. Berry Brazelton

Substitute “ego” and you have huge insight into human nature.

@Melissa- Glad it helped! And, you are right- personality does come into play. I like working with the Enneagram.

And yet, there’s no personality in the world who can assimilate a decade of learning in a month. I’m glad this landed so well- I’m interested to hear more about your project!

I can definitely see times when I’ve been pulling out the kitchen sink and have sensed the client’s overwhelm. Though on the other hand, I’m a kitchen sink kind of client that likes to have a whole lot of stuff thrown at me… so personality certainly comes into play. All the more reason for me to pay very close attention to this wisdom!

I love how you emphasized the importance of checking in with your heart. That can certainly make all the difference!

You’ve also sparked some ideas on how I want to structure some of my initial offerings to clients, and I’ve gained some clarity around a few things to cut out of my latest project in development. (There’s a kitchen sink hiding in there. Ack!) Good stuff!

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For someone in your position, this might mean that what you know about business might be a good basis for dealing with the twins as they grow up. Communication. avoiding overwhelm. that sort of thing

@JoVE- I so agree with you. Giving a couple of options can be really helpful, especially if you lean into the one you recommend more strongly: “Here’s the ideal thing I’d love for you to do. And here’s another option that will still help you.”

I think toddlers is an excellent metaphor- I know I can feel young and helpless as a client in these situations.

@Jessica- Well, that’s an entirely different story. How about- “Hey, after thinking it through and seeing what you really need, what I’d like to do is refer you to this other person, X. I’ve already spoken to them in general- I haven’t given them any personal details, and they’d be happy to talk to you. Can I connect you?”

You can make it as seamless as possible, so they don’t feel as if they are cast loose, you can preserve the relationship, and still move them on. They may still be a good source of happy karma and referrals down the road.

How does that sound?

And, incidentally, your last paragraph is why I decided to do HoB- business skills alone wasn’t cutting it, and we needed some spiritual presence to deal with what’s REALLY going on.

A third option is to work in tandem with, for instance, HoB, and say: “I’d love for you to work on X with someone from HoB and we can continue to support you with what you’re wanting to get done.”

My associate Jim is great with those things.

Mark–What do you say when you don’t really want to continue with a client . (Not that that happens very often, just that every once in awhile, I really do mean, “Well, if you really, really want to work with me again, I guess that’s okay, but are you sure you wouldn’t rather work with someone else?”)

I’ve definitely been sensing that I’m throwing too much at a few of my clients lately and need to take a step back and just let things proceed more slowly. (In both cases, they’re frustrated that their businesses aren’t growing, and I know that x, y, and z will help them, but when I try to get us started all at once, I’m also sensing them pulling back.) I think some of their hurry up-slow down is fear that they’ll be left behind (which is a fear I deeply relate to and want to help them avoid), so I wonder what would happen if I just let them know that they can take their time.

Thanks for the wonderful post!

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