How to Handle Getting Slammed By Clients

There you are, putting your heart and soul into your work. Loving it, getting great feedback from folks, basically on top of the world.

And then, thawang! Upside the head. Someone lets you know that, ahem, you suck eggs. That what you do sucks eggs. That something just didn’t work for them, and they are upset about it.

Pssssssstttttttttttt… all the air goes out of the balloon. You feel queasy in the stomach, and you are ready to either collapse into tears–“You’re so right! I so suck!” or to come out swinging–“How dare you complain! This is amazing stuff. If you can’t see it, well, buzz off!”

Obviously, neither of those reactions is really the right one. You know it, but you should take a few minutes and indulge nonetheless.

That’s right, it’s okay to have your reactions. Go ahead, collapse or rage, or both. Have a blast. But not for very long, just a few minutes, because you don’t want to get stuck in such a painful place.

The Spiritual Teaching Behind Complaints

In Sufism, it is said that the Divine created the entire creation out of a “yearning to be known.” Everyone is yearning to be known.

And yet they are afraid that once they are known, they won’t be acceptable. That’s why we have such a negative reaction to complaints–we’re afraid it means we aren’t acceptable. Well, the person complaining has the same fear.

The essential message behind the complaint is: “Do you see me? Am I acceptable? Even when I’m needy and vulnerable and upset, am I acceptable?”

Here’s the thing: it takes a LOT of nerve to complain. And by “nerve” I mean courage. It’s scary to bring negative feedback to someone, because what if they don’t like you? What if they judge you? What if they slam you?

For someone to complain, they need to already have a sense of safety and trust with you. When that angry or upset person complains, it means they think you care. It means they think they can tell you and not get hurt in return.

Listen, I know it doesn’t feel like it in the pit of your stomach, but receiving a complaint is a very high compliment. It’s taken me some years to get here, but I love getting complaints.

Bad News is Good News

To the savvy business owner complaints are good news. They tell you where you are off, where something isn’t working. They give you real feedback about what to work on, improve or avoid. Complaints can literally save your business.

None of us walk on water. We can always improve, do things better, learn more, deliver more effectively. And those clients who dare to complain are our biggest allies in helping to improve our businesses.

And yet there’s still that feeling in the pit of your stomach. How can you receive a complaint as a gift and respond effectively, without collapsing?

Keys to Getting Slammed With Love

• Let Yourself Be Witnessed

When I receive a complaint that strikes deeply for me, I get support. Reach out to someone who loves you, who can hear you first vent, and then access your heart again.

Argh! That sucked! I can’t believe they would say that! Okay, breath, find heart, ask “Is love available even here?” My heart relaxes, I breathe more deeply. Safe…

• Witness Them

After you reconnect with your heart, ask to be shown their tender heart and the yearning to be seen that they have. When you can connect to that tenderness, respond with witnessing and appreciation.

“Wow! I get how that really sucked for you. What a painful experience, and especially when you were expecting something so different, better feeling! I’m so sad to hear that’s what happened for you, I totally want you to have had a different experience.

“And I have a deep gratitude that you’re willing to tell me. I really depend on hearing honest feedback, and I welcome it, so thank you.”

• Learn

Now it’s time to improve your business. Someone may have complained that what you did was the worst thing since sliced bread (if you happen to hate sliced bread). Hey, it may not have been that bad, really, but what learning can you pull from it?

Someone complained passionately about how we had set up the partner exercises for the Heart of Money. Some offered helpful suggestions to improve it, and others praised it. Because of this feedback, we’re in discussion about whether or not we need to take a stand around the partner exercises being an integral part of the course, but being MUCH more clear about communicating that, and also giving people a reasonable way to opt-out.

Or, we’re wondering, do we just make the partner exercises optional and self-generated? This timely and on-target complaint started a great discussion here at Heart of Business about how to support people’s learning and participation.

• Ask For Complaints

We have, at times, asked our clients for the “Bad and the Ugly.” That’s right, we ask straight out: “Tell us what isn’t working. If it’s small, if it’s large, whatever it is, let us know. We may be able to fix it, we may not. But if we don’t know, we can’t do anything.”

Complaints, surprisingly, can be the most fruitful in generating revenue-producing ideas, and in opening your heart in service. Know that the tender heart just wants to be seen, and let yourself learn from it.

I’m curious–how are you at accepting complaints and feedback?

p.s. Need support facing the practical and emotional aspects of business?

That’s where our Learning Community comes in. All-in-one training, spiritual support, emotional connection, and coaching. And you set the price.

Take a look: Heart of Business Learning Community