by KateOn the verge of facing another day of urgent deadlines and unending tasks, I came across a newspaper article reporting that David Kellerman, Freddie Mac’s recently promoted CFO, was found dead in his basement. He apparently hung himself.
A colleague of his was quoted as saying, “‘He was just a nice guy. . . . You cannot imagine what kind of pressures he must have been under.’” And I wonder what makes some of us think our work, our careers, or our businesses are so important that we would rather kill ourselves than admit failure or defeat, or simply seek help.
Obviously that’s an extreme situation, but I think of the kinds of torture I’ve inflicted on myself around urgency to work more, please clients, take care of employers, succeed financially and creatively all at the same time with little space in between . . .
Running on Urgency
At Heart of Business, we’ve put a lot of energy into growing the business beyond Mark Silver the solopreneur Sufi marketing genius. To make progress, we’ve needed to develop and implement several systems and structures just to achieve effective internal communication and information organization. We’ve also been deeply involved in increasing our reach, refining our goals, and developing products and classes.
There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I haven’t felt like there were dozens more projects and tasks needing my attention than I’ve had time to get to. It can be so painful for me to end my work day, each day, not making what I think is a significant dent in my everything-would-be-so-much-better-so-much-closer-to-our-goals-if megalist.
My urgent overwhelm has, in part, been driven by how really good we are here at having inspired, adrenaline-pumping idea meetings. There are so many great product and marketing ideas around here that they’re busting down the doors. This, not enough people power, and my addiction to a sense of urgency has been a perfect recipe for generating unrelenting internal pressure to do more than I can do.
An Alternative to Death by Urgency
Whether you have too many ideas to manage, overbearing admin tasks, or unforgiving deadlines constantly outpacing you, family needs, the urgency or pressure you feel about them is a state of mind. The “too manys,” the “unforgivings,” the “outpacings,” the “others needs” is as much about orientation and perception as it is about outer situations.
What if you came to those same ideas, tasks, and project deadlines without urgency?
If you think about it, the things you want to get done or have agreed to get done are nothing but things to be done. The time or way they are accomplished is up to you. How you do them and in what state of mind is yours to make of what you will. Of course, every action has a consequence, but ability to understand and accept those consequences governs how urgent or not they feel inside.
I can’t fathom the level of pressure David Kellerman experienced in his position, but I do know that choosing death was not the only option for relieving it. His choice illustrates how difficult it can become, when we function in a constant state of urgency, to follow the unfettered and loving guidance of the Divine that can comes through our heart’s intelligence.
It’s a blessing how quickly urgency can be deflated when you remember to follow your heart’s guidance, to trust that voice. Deep ease comes when you surrender to your heart, to Divine direction and support, rather than the urgency of small-minded, task-oriented fears of success and failure.
Giving Up Your Urgency Obsession
Either way you spin it–whether you rev up into a super achieving self-combustable or roll up into a paralyzed avoidance heap under stress–running your business and life in a state of urgency can deprive you of creative space, celebration, and enjoyment of each moment that takes your time.
What if you knew everything would get accomplished in the time needed without feeling urgent?
Okay, I’m not going to remind you to stop trying to pick up your phone with your pants bunched up around your ankles because you’d been sitting on the toilet when it started ringing. And I’m not going to tell you to check your email only twice a day. Blah, blah, blah. But I will offer a couple of things you may not have considered.
When you find yourself beginning to get tense inside about what you need to get done or don’t want to do, stop.
- Put it in writing. If you’re a journaling type, pick up your journal and write about the tension until it eases. Then let your heart write to you about how you can return to your work in love, faith, and acceptance.
- Run Away. Go outside, or to a space away from your business and sit in Remembrance. Ask in your heart to receive what you need to accept your pace, your rhythm, to have faith in your process and progress.
- “You there, step slowly away from the ledge.” Find someone who knows how to talk you off the ledge. I can’t tell you how many times Mark and I have pulled out the bull horn and yelled, “Easy now, step back slowly from the edge. Let me give you a hand.” This needs to be someone who knows something about surrender.
Embracing urgency does nothing but knock you off track and exhaust you. It encourages you to participate in a race with no finish line. Get to know the feeling well and contrast it with the calm that comes with surrendering. You will accomplish more with grater satisfaction and enjoyment when you abandon urgency for the peaceful certainty of your heart’s wisdom.
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10 Comments... Care To Join Us?
Kate, thank you for this loving and profound bit of wisdom. In the heart’s spaciousness, everything finds its rightful place in the ecology of being. Few things (outside of life or death situations) are so urgent that they can’t be approached more effectively from a place of centered,conscious, loving awareness.
I can’t imagine the pain David Kellerman must have been in, to take his own life. My heart goes out to him and his family.
Thank you for this reminder that the quality of what we do, and how we do it, matters more than how much we get done.
Love, Hiro
Hiro Boga´s last blog post..Grace Descending
Thank you for offering this wisdom, this new lens through which to see work, life and self.
As I prepare to dive into a large project at the week’s end, feeling a little anxious about its size and scope, this post is both timely and perfect. I’ll keep this close to my heart as I work.
Thank you again.
Kate, you’ve done it again. A timely post that reminds me of just what I need to hear right now.
With deadlines looming, new projects brewing, a last-minute invite to a conference that blew up my schedule for the next week, family drama and financial stress… it’s so easy to become numb to the urgency treadmill. And so easy to take it personally and slip into negative self-talk when others remind us, even in well-intentioned ways, of how much still remains to “get done.”
I’m particularly interested in the balance between the “inspired, adrenaline-pumping idea meetings” and the day-to-day tyranny of tasks. Both things (a grand vision and some get-it-done elbow grease) seem to be necessary for a successful business, but sometimes they seem at opposite poles, and the trick is to allow for both. I’d love to hear your thoughts (I know you’ve addressed similar ideas in past posts, too!).
Wendy Cholbi´s last blog post..Hangin’ out in the YWC treehouse with Mark Silver
Kate, thank you for your eloquent reminder to take a step back and assess what’s really urgent rather than succumbing to automatic panic reactions.
A while back I was working on my values list and spent a lot of time thinking about urgency and scarcity in regards for time. I ended up choosing “There’s always enough time to do what’s most important” as my written declaration. I’ve found that if you REALLY want to do something, you’ll find the time in most cases, whether that something is watching a blazer’s game or building a new website.
The problems start when you’re less than fully committed to the tasks at hand, or if the urgency is external. Those sort of tasks tend to insidiously multiply and lead you straight to down the path to urgency hell. As you suggest, not everything is as urgent as it seems. That is particularly true if it is not your urgency.
And on that note, I’ll wrap up this comment so that I don’t feel crunched in starting my 4:00 teleconference in 8 minutes
Mike Stankavich´s last blog post..Short Sale Auction for my Previous Home
@Hiro What a beautiful expression: “In the heart’s spaciousness, everything finds its rightful place in the ecology of being.” Thank you.
I am grateful every time I can catch myself running with urgency. Even more so when I can stop and come back to remembering the space, the process, and acceptance of my limitations, not to mention the incredible peace that comes in surrendering to what’s possible, reasonable, and healthy for me.
@Fabeku I am so glad the timing was right for you. Yes, it is a lens to hold onto, especially with challenging projects on the horizon. Like you, it is a commitment to keep these truths “close to my heart.” Thank you for putting it that way. This will help me do the same. I wish you deep peace, productivity, and joy in moving through your next large project.
@Wendy “Whew!” I hear you. You’ve got a riptide of urgency tugging on you to get swept out to sea with it. Step back, feel the sand under your feet, it shifting, molding temperament.
Whether you fret of stay relaxed, you can only do so much in a day, you can only get so strategic about how to get the most done. It is so much easier to keep moving from one thing to the next when your not gripped by pressure.
I appreciate you bringing up others reminding you of what still needs to get done. It’s a whole extra level of awareness to remain in your heart and stay at ease inside when you have to deflect other’s urgency. Yet it’s not really different the the other voices that get worked up inside.
Keep coming back to your connection with your heart intelligence, the Divine, for clarity and juice.
As for the idea/getting it done duo, they are both critical. My best sense is to spin the ideas in meetings, but agree with whomever you’re meeting with that you all place the ideas within the to-do framework already operating. I don’t mean that the framework can shift and accommodate, but you have to bring new ideas to the existing plans to see if, how and when they might fit.
It’s so important to not lose site of projects and obligations already in place, not to compromise their integrity and success, before inviting new ideas into the mix.
Kate:
This is a brilliant article.
I have a relative who jumped out of the window of his highrise in Chicago after the stock market crash about 15 years ago. He left behind his wife and 2 young children. He was an accomplished real estate developer in Chicago, had made some business investments for others that had gone sour due to the economy and just couldn’t face explaining that to them.
It has been many years since this happened but I never looked at this situation in terms of what was missing for my cousin’s husband. This line helped me get a bit more closure on what might have helped had it been possible for them:
“It’s a blessing how quickly urgency can be deflated when you remember to follow your heart’s guidance, to trust that voice. Deep ease comes when you surrender to your heart, to Divine direction and support, rather than the urgency of small-minded, task-oriented fears of success and failure.”
I have my own sense of urgency about things and when I remember what happened with my cousin’s husband, my sense of urgency immediately dissipates. Nothing is that important to me.
You showed me though another tool to use more consciously which is to tap into the wisdom of the Divine and surrender my heart.
Thank you – you are incredibly wise.
xoxox
Char
So you know I’m going to be reminding Mark of all these ideas every day… and myself. Very timely, thanks Kate!
Jennifer Louden´s last blog post..Virtual Retreat – Inspiration!
@Mike: Yes! “There’s always enough time to do what’s most important.”
You make several great points. This is key: what’s most important does and will get done. And then we need to let the less important things be less important until they are more important. In doing that keep our belly and heart soft, yielding.
“The problems start when you’re less than fully committed to the tasks at hand, or if the urgency is external.”
Internal commitment is really where the rubber meets the road. That’s the part that requires moving our attention from outer pressures to our inner sense of timing and commitment to doing whatever it is we are choosing to do.
If you choose a Blazer game instead of writing a Web page needed for your business, the challenge is to make that decision consciously, intentionally, with love, and without regret. If you can’t then it’s important to reconsider your decision. Again that’s where Remembrance and checking in with our hearts is critical to living in ease.
“As you suggest, not everything is as urgent as it seems. That is particularly true if it is not your urgency.”
Yes, you are so right on here. Who’s urgency is it is always a good question to ask.
This speaks to Wendy’s comment above about the increased pressure that happens when others tell you how urgent your situations are. It is crazy making to take on others’ urgency. We’ve gotta stay connected to ourselves and to our Source.
Thank you so much for your insights, Mike.
@Char: Oh Char, thank you for sharing this with me, for letting me know how close to home this post hits.
“. . . just couldn’t face explaining that to them.”
The grief that comes up in me when I imagine that intensity of inner torment and sense of being lost. I am grateful that this has offered you a chance to resolve another side to your family tragedy.
The way your urgency dissipates when you remember your cousin’s husband is what happened to me the other morning when I read about David Kellerman. Nothing is that important, and bless their tortured souls for wanting so badly to succeed at something that ultimately destroyed them.
May we help each other each day “tap into the wisdom of the Divine and surrender our hearts.”
@Jennifer: Ha! Hey, you know, somebody’s got to keep that guy flyin’ straight.
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