“This article is by our Director of Education Steve Mattus, who has worked with hundreds of clients helping them develop their businesses, both before Heart of Business and with our clients as well. Heed his words. – Mark Silver”
This feels a bit like walking down a dark alley you would prefer to avoid, but, I’m gonna walk there anyway. Here we go…
With many of my clients, I use the metaphor of a new businesses being like a baby or toddler. Babies require a lot of care, love, attention, time and money.
Yet, for all the joy, smiles and fulfillment a child can bring to your life, it would be a mistake to expect a baby or toddler to start doing all the heavy-lifting chores around the house. It takes a while for that to start to really happen, right? A handful or two of years, at least.
Why, then, might you expect a toddler business to do all the heavy lifting of your needs? Usually it’s because you’ve placed everything in that basket, well ahead of the time it was ready to carry the burden.
It’s okay – you’re just trying to get your needs met. That’s so natural. I’ve done it too.
No matter how gentle, kind, nurturing and loving you are to a 3 year old, the chances that they’ll take out the trash, dust all the furniture, do the laundry and make you dinner is just not likely. Maybe… MAYBE… they can put some toys away. That’s about all you can expect.
[Sidenote: Because there are many out there who are disadvantaged for numerous reasons: you may be sick, other-abled, discriminated against, older, etc. Even in these really unfortunate circumstances, it still won’t mean that a baby can take out the trash or cook you dinner.]
So who’s gonna do all of this stuff?
You have to look elsewhere to get those needs met. You have to do them yourself or you can hire others to do them.
Or, you can do some things in advance, with careful planning. You could cook a years worth of meals in advance and store them so when things get rough, you can lean into your cushion of extra meals. But those meals will eventually run out.
You could buy three closets-worth of clothes to wear, so you only have to do laundry once every quarter. And, eventually, you’re still going to need to do laundry.
I know, those things are a stretch, but it makes a point, doesn’t it? The same is true with getting your money needs met.
What are you expecting your toddler business to do for you?
Before getting into business, very often people save up so they have some “cushion” in their finances. This is definitely a great idea. And, the stress of seeing it dwindle – especially after half is gone – the panic and fear sets in THEN, not when it runs out.
Some have retirement that they lean into – like three closets full of clothes. You earned it, you saved it, and starting a business is a great time to lean into it for support. Totally.
Unfortunately, that retirement will run out too. I’ve talked with more than a handful of clients who used their entire retirement to get their business started. Even if their business was successfully paying the bills a year or two down the road, it wasn’t re-funding their retirement, and now they were stressed about what they’d do when they were too old to work.
Ugh… I’m not trying to be a big downer, but it’s something that I feel is really important to be named clearly.
Most business coaches stay on the side of, “You can do it! Give me your money and I’ll help you start a business! RAH, RAH, RAH! The future is yours!” And they avoid being honest and forthright about two things:
- Starting a business is really hard – like raising a child is. It takes a lot of money, time, attention, love, care, resources, nurturing, lost sleep, worry, uncertainty, risk and years and years and years of unrelenting effort.
- Most new businesses do not succeed.
In fact, what I actually hear people saying is stuff like this (these are actual quotes):
“If You’re Making Less Than $300,000, WE NEED TO TALK
$300,000 sounds like a big fucking number, doesn’t it? But I have to tell you, that with the tools we have nowadays with the Internet, there’s almost no reason why you shouldn’t / can’t be making this in your business.”
AND
“Earning less than six-figures [in a spiritual business] is selfish… yup, selfish…”
Are you kidding me?
Deeeeeeep breath.
These are the kinds of things you’re seeing on Facebook and elsewhere that set you up to think your little baby can cook you dinner and rub your feet before bed.
So, you dive head-first into business thinking that something is wrong with you because you’re not making $300,000. You assume that it’s because you’re too selfish – not because it’s true – but it’s because you were told it’s your fault.
PLEASE HEAR ME: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
Business, like raising a child, is challenging. It just is. Doesn’t matter how spiritual you are, how smart you are or how well intentioned you are – raising a child is challenging.
So, if you choose to have a business, what do you do? After all, you do still have needs. You still have bills to pay.
There are two things I want to suggest:
1. If you have been in business for more than two years and you haven’t seen yourself gaining traction over time, and your business revenue isn’t even close to meeting your needs, please go get your financial needs met some other way.
It’s one thing if the business has been steadily developing, making more money over time, and it’s just not yet at the level that supports you. It’s another thing if you haven’t gained real traction at all: you don’t have a clear message, an offer that people are buying, and a way to market effectively.
In the first case it might be realistic that the business will just continue to grow and you’ll be okay in another 6 months to a year of continued development and learning. In the second case, don’t expect to just turn a corner and suddenly it goes from zero to all kinds of money. This doesn’t happen. While you’re working it out, care for yourself financially in another way.
This doesn’t mean that you have to give up your business. No one would ever suggest that because it was really challenging raising a child that you give it up. However, it might mean a part-time job for some time, to help support you. If you can’t do a “regular job” because of limitations of some sort, it might take some creative thinking on your part to use/develop skills and get hired doing something else that people will pay for. No, it might not be in the field of your “calling,” but you will be getting your needs met and you won’t be relying on a baby business to do so.
With your base needs met, you can then spend discretionary time developing your calling, learning how to run a business effectively, and doing it in a way that doesn’t drain you, or leave you hanging on a limb for years.
…and/or…
2. If you’re relying on savings or retirement to get your business started and you’re more than half-way through those funds, please refer to point #1.
The bottom line is: if you’re base-level needs are at risk every day (food, shelter) over a significant period of time and you are looking to your business to get those needs met, you will crush your business.
I know it’s a really tough thing to hear, but you deserve for someone to tell you the truth.
But… but… but…
What about those people who persevered and made it? What about the success stories of people who endured living in hostels and eating banana peels for years before their business took off?
Those experiences are out there. If you want to be one of them… go for it. But what I hear that you really want is to get your needs met.
I want to advocate that you go get your needs met.
Please.
And, just so you know, I’ve done this with every business I’ve ever run. I’ve always needed, at one time or another, but especially in the beginning, to support myself, while I was supporting my business. It’s always taken the pressure off… released the intensity of things… which enabled me to actually nurture my business to the point where it really could begin to support me.
- As a photographer, I worked at a record store for a while, to help pay the bills.
- As a full-time minister, I used photography to help support me.
- As a medical building cleaner, I used administrative skills to supplement my income for a time.
- As a new coach, I used a small part of my retirement savings, and then leaned into my business strategy skills to make up gaps in my income as I started out.
I’ve learned to actually count on and enjoy using multiple talents. Nothing can keep me from offering my best gifts to the world, making the biggest contribution I can imagine – my heart, my empathy, my kindness and my heart-centered guidance. Regardless of what I’m doing, I get to bring my best self to it. And, importantly, I keep getting my needs met. Interestingly, I get a lot of clients from doing a variety of things. They feed each other. It’s symbiotic.
You don’t have to give up on your dreams. Please don’t. This is not an either/or situation. It’s a both/and situation.
Please go get your base-level needs met and pursue your dreams.
Both are needed in order for you to be here, available and supported enough to bring your gifts fully.
And, for heavens sake, please, please, please stop paying for five-figure coaching programs (costing many thousands of dollars). Look for strong, clear support that meets your budget. Good support to start your business is not hiding behind a higher price-tag.
Be gentle, gentle, gentle with your heart if any of this feels like it’s hitting home. There likely will be a great deal of grief, sadness, sorrow and even anger to work with as you ground yourself in your heart. Lean into the support you do have… perhaps our Community, or other spiritual practice. Friends, family and others who can encourage and give your heart support in your choices.
Also, I’d enjoy hearing from you too. It can be healing simply to be witnessed in the needs and struggle, as you share your experience.
You can make a comment on the blog.
With all my loving-kindness,
Steve
You don’t have to take years and years to develop your business.
It does take time, absolutely, but doing it by guesswork or pure intuition, without feedback and learning means that it takes a lot longer.We’ve created two in-depth, affordable programs that walk you step-by-step, into business development.
Two things to know:
1. If you enroll in October, you get a bonus.
For Clients & Money, you’ll be included in a small group of no more than 4 to get 1-1 coaching help on your core marketing message/elevator pitch, which we call your One Compelling Sentence.
For Expand Your Reach, you’ll receive a video review of the website you create through our program, pointing out what can be tweaked and improved.
2. We have a free way for you to tell which program your business needs.
If you’re in start-up, or your income is very low, then you probably need Clients & Money, so you can start getting clients and earning money.
Take a look: Clients & Money.
If you’re income is inconsistent, some months okay, some months not quite enough, and if you could reach a large enough audience your schedule would be full, then you probably need Expand Your Reach.
Take a look: Expand Your Reach.
If you’re not sure? Take our free Readiness Assessment.
If you have any questions, please ask!
With love,
Mark Silver
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.
26 Responses
Thank you so much for this incredible insight. This is the kind of honest and real stuff one needs to hear befóre starting out. I’m preparing myself to starting up a therapist practice in a few years from now and the idea of combining with another job has always been dreading to me, mainly because I’m just so enthusiastic about what I reálly wanna do ? But this post gives me this heart based insight to why this could actually be a góód thing! Especially the feeling of nurturing my business ánd myself by not laying all the financial pressure on my practice got a hold of my heart ?
Thank you so much for being honest and true!
So glad it felt nourishing and insightful for you, Nele.
Thank you Steve for making this crucial and strategical insight again very clear. For me it is one of the wisdom I have learnt by Heart of Business since 2006. It remains essential when you want to give your business the air and the ground to develop what it has to bring in the world.
You can adapt this wisdom in all sort of work with customers who have a tendency to over -exploit resources which are not really available to them.
Thank you, Franz. Really appreciating your comment.
Thank you for saying this Steve: “If you have been in business for more than two years and you haven’t seen yourself gaining traction over time, and your business revenue isn’t even close to meeting your needs, please go get your financial needs met some other way.” I’ve been in this situation a few times with clients, and it’s incredible the resistance to hearing this news, and the complex meanings underlying it. Sometimes it’s a simple situation of wanting to be in business, and finding it harder than you thought. And other times, it’s other stuff completely…like unmet childhood needs to be dependent and a resistance to taking care of yourself, for instance. Urgh. I’d love your insight on HOW to share this news with someone who is in profound resistance (for understandable reasons) to hearing it. I admit, I’ve not always found a good way to tell someone it may be time to find a job…Thanks!
You’re so welcome, Leslie! I appreciate the comment and questions. It’s so true… it’s really challenging to share this with clients (it was for me to post this article, too). What I see most often is deep, deep, deep grief. I don’t know if there’s ever a “good way” to share something that will result in that kind of grief. So, framing it with context around commitment to support, connection, and inquiry about the idea of getting financial needs met some other way, along with a strong container to hold the grief with kindness and love, is what I’ve found to be the path forward. Does that speak to what you asked?
Thanks for bringing this up!
Steve, a magnificent article. I hope you rerun it annually.
Let’s add credit cards to the discussion. It’s easy to believe that when Visa raises your credit limit, Visa (or Source or God) is showing tangible support for your dream business and the life that goes with it.
That’s an illusion. You’ve been granted more credit simply because the algorithm tags your account for an increase.
Alas, it’s easy to start with small, manageable debt and quickly increase it to a sleep-disturbing level.
-Diana
Thank you, Diana!
Oh my… yeah!!!! You hit on a big piece I neglected! Thank you for mentioning that. I view credit like the old “snake oil” salesmen. I don’t want to do business with them, and if I even start thinking about it, I’m going to be veeeeeeeeery cautious.
I’ve done the 5-figure credit card debt trying to make something work a couple times in my life! It’s so true… it can get out of hand very quickly, digging you a hole that feels far away one day, and before you know how deep you’re really in it, you can hardly see the sky.
I use credit cards today for almost everything I do, so I can accrue points for travel, and, I pay off my full balance EVERY SINGLE MORNING. The day I can’t pay my balance, I will close the line of credit immediately. That’s my agreement with myself, which I know I’ll honor.
Sometimes, credit can be helpful – sometimes we do need a bit of a crutch for a short time, but it’s definitely not a long-term strategy. So glad you mentioned this point!
I love your thoughts here, Steve. Going on almost two decades of business, I wholeheartedly attest to the fact that it can take a long time and LOTS and LOTS of hard work to grow a business. For the first five years of my business, I worked another job until I was in a position to go full-time with my business. And then about 7 or 8 years later, I was in a position for my business to take care of ME when I left for maternity. It was an amazing feeling! But it certainly didn’t come easy and perhaps was all the more cherished because of it. I’m so tired of all the marketers out there claiming you can get to six figures overnight as long as you do their program (and I’m also pretty tired of this trend to use curse words in a professional setting that I see everywhere these days). Getting help is essential–no question, no one can do it well all alone–and having expectations about what sustainable growth grounded in reality is key. I think HoB offers this and I’m glad to see you and Mark spreading this message.
Hi Lisa! Thank you for sharing your story! It’s a testament to reality, isn’t it? Congratulations on navigating the path with your business and getting your needs met along the way.
Building a business is so very much *not* a 30, 60, 90 day or even 1-year thing. Thanks for being a living, breathing testimonial to this, and sharing it so openly.
Thanks, Steve, this is such a great analogy. And it’s doubly spot-on for me, because the reason my business is slow is that I’m paying so much attention right now to my actual child (even in high school…) , so you’ve managed to roll everything up into one! For me, the difficulty is not so much financial, but the guilt that I feel, because somehow I believe that my business *should* be doing better. And as much as I can see the rationale, I just can’t seem to let go of that judgement (and the horrible feelings that go with it) 🙁
Linda – really hearing you in the guilt. It can be so challenging to let go of a judgment like that.
When I “should” on myself, my go-to question to help support me in working that is simply asking my heart, “Is that true?” “Is it really true that my business *should* be doing better?”
If I’m honest, I don’t know that it’s true… it’s just what I wanted. And just stepping into the possibility of doubting that my “shoulds” are true, is so healing.
What if your business is right where it is, so you DO have time to pay attention to your child? What if the gift is that your business is right where it is?
What if, because you are lovingly putting attention on your child, it’s totally natural and normal for your business to be growing more slowly?
Curious how that lands?
Makes me cry, Steve (this is good 🙂 ) I am going to print this out and sit with it for a couple of days to see if I can find a way to shift this. And as a side-note, it is occurring to me more and more that what my son is struggling with is a fear of failure. Perhaps if I can find my way to being ok with being a “failure”, it will provide an energetic path for him. Thanks for your thoughts. <3
So glad it landed, Linda.
Yes, while “failure” is a great teacher, it sure is painful and tender, isn’t it? Learning to expect it and getting experience recovering from it is a skill that serves us all our lives, for it is a certainty.
I love that you put “failure” in quotes. So often, “failure” is only an accurate word to use because of the contrast between what’s true and our expectations or within comparison to something else. So, what can help us manage that is looking at our expectations and comparisons. If we can work with our expectations in our hearts with mercy and kindness and gentleness, we can still hold ourselves to a high standard, and recognize the space for us to be human too.
Sending you so much empathy as you work with this, not only for yourself, but in support of your son. My heart is with you.
Thank you Steve!
I understand the point re not expecting your business to meet your financial needs in the early stages. It also brings up a good deal of frustration in me, because I have been doing another kind of work that is not my main business, just in order to survive financially, and even then only subsisting on a shoestring and also still having to rely on welfare assistance. The other work I do is paying below the minimum wage and takes up a considerable amount of time and energy, so I feel I’m just on a treadmill and not really progressing. My point being that just finding suitable work that generates sufficient income is not always easy, especially when wages are below minimum wage.
So really what it comes down to is that unless people are able to find well paid part time work, or have a lot of wealth already behind them, the chances of having a successful business are greatly reduced.
One thing that would solve this and remove this barrier is if ‘ubi’ is introduced – which stands for unconditional basic income which would replace welfare and ensure basic needs were met, which in turn would give people the time to create and grow new businesses. This has already been piloted in a couple of places in Europe.
I do also think there are possibilities via the internet for making money – not overnight – but more quickly and easily than what has been required in a traditional business, although I also agree there is a lot of deception as well re how easy this actually is.
I also think affiliate programmes and network marketing – if done properly with integrity and with products that customers really want – can work well as ways to generate an interim income whilst growing a business.
I think ultimately changes are needed to how the global economy is run and an end to the domination of the banking cartels, and maybe even an alternative form of currency to the petro dollar.
Merlina – thank you so much for making this point. It’s so true – you really nailed it. It’s not always as easy as just getting a part-time job, is it. This economy is so dysfunctional and the whole of capitalism is grossly out of integrity. Painful. Horrendous. Disheartening.
Often, because of this, the desire is to start a business as a way to finally escape the dysfunction. So much empathy for that. And, painfully, as you know, it doesn’t always work. It’s why we need so much care for our hearts. So many are literally trapped with no resources and few options. It’s a deplorable truth of the society we live in. Heartbreaking.
I could comment at length in support of all your point, and for the sake of brevity, I won’t. I like the idea of UBI, and exploring alternative ways of making money on the internet – it’s true, there is a lot that’s available to us – and none of it is a guaranteed answer. Even if it worked, it doesn’t mean it would be in alignment with our hearts integrity. There is so much nuance to it all.
May your heart and all our hearts be a driving force for change in the world. We need it so so so much. In the meantime, sending you deep appreciation for speaking up here.
I love this post, Steve. I can feel so much of your love and tenderness in your words. I think back about my first few years in business and paying huge gobs of money for business coaching. They were great programs, but in hindsight, they were way advanced, teaching adult strategies to my toddler business. This is one of the reasons I’m so grateful for you and the Heart of Business, because you provide a clear pathway for what businesses need to have a strong foundation.
And on another note, I appreciate your attention to being inclusive in your writing and approach, especially in your sidenote that acknowledges ways that people may be disadvantaged. You’re awesome! 🙂
Thank you Joselito! I appreciate it.
Yes… “gobs of money.” There is a place for more advanced, higher-priced business programs and coaching, but what I’ve not seen is a clear guide about the program being for advanced businesses who are likely already making moderate gobs of money. Oy!
Thanks for acknowledging my effort to be inclusive. I am trying. I feel really seen by your acknowledgement. 🙂
Thanks for the honesty. There’s often a great deal of frustration involved because if you don’t have a big bank account behind you, things move so horribly slowly, creating anxiety because you still have to pay bills and buy groceries .
I can relate to both Merlina and Nele’s comments. I work 4 nights a week at a low-paying job with little chance of something better. It depletes my energy and barely pays the bills, but there you are – I have to do it because the business only on the edge of start-up, sustainability is a distant goal. Luckily, it’s not one that needs huge piles of cash from the get-go.
There are days, like today, when I think nobody actually needs anything I could do and there’s already too many people trying to do everything, so I’m just wasting my efforts & money I can’t really afford. But if I don’t at least try, nothing will ever change.
One thing that has changed is shifting the target towards a part time business, given all the factors you mention, plus others like age . If it turns into more than that, great, but not to put that pressure on myself or the business now.
Having gone through a government sponsored self-employment program before, I’ve gone through the hazards and poor outcomes of unrealistic expectations, wrong strategies for the type of business, and excessive pressures to ‘make it happen’. All discouraging and heartbreaking. So I very much appreciate the openness and real approach at Heart of Business.
Hi Karin! Thanks so much for speaking up and sharing your story!
I’m really hearing the struggle and how depleted you are with your job. Oh, how I empathize with you.
You have shifted the target towards a part-time business!!!
YES!!! YES!!! That is so helpful. That’s where we ALL start. That’s where business starts. It never goes from zero to full. (Our time investment might, but the business doesn’t.) Thanks for mentioning that. We always start with just one small thing.
To that point, one thing I encourage many clients to do is just start with something small – get it out there and see how it’s received with your network of connections. And, if you don’t have connections, then the first step is building those. I’ve said for years and years, “A confluence of small steps taken consistently over time is the building block of every grand thing.” That’s how we start – one small step.
I really hear that you’re taking small steps. It can be painful to take small steps, because they don’t get us to where we want to go as fast as we’d like. And yet, I want to acknowledge you for taking those steps… shifting your expectations a bit, and doing what you can, while taking care of yourself the best you can.
Thank you for this Steve. I so needed to hear this right now.
I know exactly where that first quote came from. I subscribe to her newsletter and when that post landed in my inbox I shamed myself for not being further along than where I am now.
Your wise words have reminded me to let myself off the hook and stop comparing my journey with someone else’s.
Hi Nicole! You’re so welcome. 🙂
Yes, I like their work, actually… I find most of their stuff pretty insightful, and I totally get (generally) where she’s coming from. I appreciate taking a stand for clients’ success and she is *totally* right for a specific group of folks, which is exactly what she is supposed to do. And yet, I think it’s so important to start first with empathy and the reality that people are different and have different struggles, commitments, traumas, journeys and healing needed to tap into that kind of business. It doesn’t happen in a vacuum, by following a formula and by ignoring your heart.
My heart goes out to you in deep empathy around comparing. It’s such a toxic mess. And there is so much for us to compare to that it’s hard not to. Every day, even just walking down the street, I see others that I compare myself to…
“Why can’t I be in that shape?”
“I should be able to buy a condo like that.”
“Look at how confident that guy is! I wish I had that.”
And, what I’m learning to do… slowly… slowly… slowly… and gently… gently… gently… is respond to all those with, “I’m who and where I am. That’s why I’m here. I’m not them. I haven’t had their experiences. They haven’t had mine. And I want to be ME, not a version of THEM. ”
And, you know what else helps me a ton with the comparison thing? I know full well that every human has human stuff they’re dealing with. I know that they get sad. They get confused. They get frustrated. They get rejected. They get lost. They have and feel all the same things I have and feel in me. The outside might look different, but inside – we’re all mostly all very much the same.
I imagine none of that is news to you, but I thought I’d share in case it’s helpful. It was helpful to me to write all that out.
Thanks for being with us here, Nicole.
Steve-
It is so validating to have someone I respect call out those folks who pitch themselves as “heart-centered” or “spiritual” while engaging in manipulative and misleading marketing.
When I see that kind of marketing, it’s really activating my greed and fear, and I want to move away from it, but a little corner of me fears that I’m missing out.
This article eases me greatly. Thanks!
It is true that having a business is like having a child. It is too hard to sustain when the things are not moving as per your plan. The financial break down will bump you every time you try to move in different direction. The mental motivation is not enough in the tough time. The business needs personal care like you take care of your child.
When you see the customers are not liking your product the best thing is going back to the white board and finding out the flows in your product. Fixing the product from core increases the quality. The Same theory applies to the service industry. In the end, customer satisfaction matters the most in the business.
Your customer runs your business, so keep them happy.
Thank you
hey , Steve Mattus
thanks for sharing this kind of blog yeah you are right in this cruel world nobody wants to share there secrets everyone is selfish but you have done totally different job your suggestion for the startup business like what to do is really honest
thanks for your honesty