This question came up in our Learning Community, on the topic of how to treat friends or family who ask for your professional help. Do you charge them? Do you not? Do you refuse to work with them? Is it wrong to have dual roles with people, where you are a friend and also a practitioner?
I’ll say the obvious at the outset, that there’s no one “right” way to do it. I’ve seen folks who charge friends like regular clients, some who never do, and others who refuse to work with friends at all, and instead refer them out.
There’s a few fundamentals in how I approach this, that I want to name, which might help you think through it for yourself. Then I’ll share what I used to do, and what I do now.
Humans used to live in much smaller groups.
The idea that we shouldn’t have dual roles, meaning you can’t be both a practitioner and a friend, for instance, doesn’t hold up in a small town or village. It’s an idea born out of an urban life, where the population is large enough that client circles and social circles don’t have to intersect.
But if you’re in a village of 200, or even a small town of 5,000+, you can’t really avoid dual roles.
Nor should we. Human beings are nuanced, complex, and mature enough to be able to handle being friends and being a practitioner or professional, as long as you are clear about the roles, and clear about your own needs.
Social relationships are valuable.
The urge to give a discount, or not charge full price to a friend or family member arises out of something true. People in healthy relationships give to each other in many different ways. It’s not a collapse or abandonment of your “value” to acknowledge how important people in your social circles are to you.
The key, as usual, is being clear, and not unconscious or fuzzy about it.
Your professional work is how you make a living.
It’s a significant impact on your income if you give even one client slot to a friend or family member. You can’t afford, literally, to give away too much of your time.
As with any pro-bono or reduced fee client slots, you have to account for that in your business and income.
What I used to do.
In the beginning of Heart of Business, when my audience was MUCH smaller, and my circle of potential clients naturally included friends who were self-employed, I did charge them.
Those friends, some of them became clients, or participants in my groups. They paid my fees. It worked.
I had to be clear about what I was doing with them, and I also know I was a little extra generous at times with some of them, and that was fine.
What I do now.
Because my business has a much larger reach than it did, it’s rare for a friend to become a client. Mostly what I do now if a friend or family member needs help, is that I offer to have a free conversation with them. And it’s specifically NOT a sales conversation, but just a deep dive into whatever it is they are facing and what they are needing.
I’m clear with them that if they need ongoing help in terms of taking on a client slot, we can have a discussion of what that would look like compensation-wise, but I do tend to be more flexible and generous with friends and family, which acknowledges all that I receive from them as well, in the context of community.
Your turn.
When you take in the three points: that we used to live in smaller groups and dual roles are normal and healthy, that social relationships are valuable, and that you do need to make a living, what does your heart say?
Take a few minutes and see if you can get clarity on this for yourself, and share it. I’d love to hear how it feels best for you!
With love,
Mark Silver, M.Div
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.
P.S. The Learning Community!
These are the kinds of conversations we have in the Learning Community. Not only are there detailed learning modules, dozens of them, walking you step-by-step through the elements your business needs.
But there’s also ongoing feedback and coaching for those “Huh? What do I do with this?” kind of moments that come up all the time in business.
Don’t go it alone! Get the support you need to make your business thrive, for about the cost of a single client session (or less!) per month.
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